Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
9 e( _" p3 L' u  L" {
The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1 S2 m; i% D9 c* @+ W- q# o, |6 E6 l1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

( J2 m/ q/ T7 E/ ]' V$ W3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
; b0 ?; f; P+ H* @9 @# ]
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
8 ^( J0 p; i, ~
# m# ], x% x$ k5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
1 o' l6 g" r8 v' v5 O; M, f
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

. Y  k, c6 m8 t0 y7 c: P7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
2 M7 e8 q! w% c  B
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

4 t1 t% Z8 W% L. p* k9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
+ e  P6 L" D- t
/ _1 m, I& a8 @% g+ r( s10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

4 R% f- A& U" Z5 Y! G2 J! i11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

7 ]! h! Q7 c  g12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
4 s7 ]9 G% {. F( i, N! o
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
6 A% v" A$ V( I. n! \+ g* r* X
" @0 q" Z: q- f) n  v15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
( N$ }: w+ ^4 h8 y! U" T- t- X
( w9 ]7 q6 m9 @$ z, s7 o. e! b16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.