Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
# U1 \- @4 H3 w" A
5 m& k: x* a$ B( H# J: F( tThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1 [  |( T' C$ `# L! D: B1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

$ D& o* _0 W8 T5 P, A4 |6 v2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
2 W/ o2 V8 y6 }" G# s7 I
2 l* N5 |* G# W6 D2 z, \6 }5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

6 T( K+ h1 ?% N# G4 W& A! I7 E3 K) Q/ L7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
/ C4 i; |% s. Q# P0 [5 @  W. t
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
& v/ X4 ?7 s! `1 u: d) {" a
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

" g( D6 d' V- \; c5 P3 ^# P/ c10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
9 l& G" |/ I, k1 o7 P' O, J3 H5 |
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
, V' |/ Y8 f% x0 O: U
+ H9 K! s, m) p! f( V: A13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

# }2 ?/ N2 s: k1 Z5 o9 R14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
" @) W& g9 b0 k. m' J) J
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
" ^: ?6 E7 q3 ~' j/ _' y
16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.