Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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$ i" a& Y) H3 r" TThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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* A1 d" N! w* ^" T( u2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

1 t- L( ?( m0 q2 f) U3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

# n, L9 Y1 ~" p' `4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

* ~5 Q! d- F1 R) `0 {4 i: q" S5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

, U' J7 W* c, D5 E6 T3 i& v/ k10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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2 Q' T, \0 ]$ ?0 K0 ^+ q3 l12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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1 I) k: f( l1 S% k4 ^0 K( n& [13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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( W( ^- v7 W! v1 C" {  q* @( f  A14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

& n( y8 b6 [* r/ k7 |, x2 [15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.