我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
/ _" B0 V; H7 t4 L  \7 L
I fell in love with you
$ j0 {4 Z5 E8 v$ {- P* g  u7 KAt the first week we met

You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
8 e; L# N' O6 jThey are shining stars
/ e# f! o8 p5 D: {! p5 j% }! i
Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
9 ]& ?7 j: I9 o3 k$ O! |Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

. V% p; [1 ~0 F6 hI was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
( l$ d/ Q) I/ j! ZYou blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
6 }% r: N+ y+ M! v+ h; \6 V
5 E0 W% S) U" }1 e* @You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
/ i3 V, I4 K1 _9 Q; P; cI think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
% d7 E  j8 p9 E2 q6 ?# XAnd that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
/ W3 k3 J3 ]$ b9 Q. ~and I am helping you to improve'
6 }- H/ {2 D$ T- s
You are loving me
# b) E$ G" O( u1 K& Nor that one in your mind?
: Z  t0 w- A  T* b3 n* o3 o2 WMy mind is like a mud
6 v+ i2 R! i* i8 j. k" vcan be shaped whatever you want

' ]; _7 R: i9 _: V9 _, K0 O8 Sunfortunalety not my heart
3 o5 U4 q! D  ~+ ^: EIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
1 J8 j% @5 R( e0 @
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
. n4 Q" \- F, m: {+ F8 x; z) X( pmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

- f. D; L5 {& v( _$ ~  v' g咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
% B8 `9 V3 F7 X3 ?2 g+ Y, hAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

2 ~; R2 k" V7 v* S+ vwith the charm,
0 ?: r( u1 k% `6 T1 [0 W6 I: J# Vwith the simles.
I fell in love with you
+ K; J$ ?/ p+ H+ b/ ~* X" [In the first sign.
6 Y. s0 _4 c! o! y6 hAs spotting sky at a summer

& r- e+ g  x- D' F) P* W( q6 h# G2 `) MYour lip is so soft
1 O- L+ o- n; j, W- c. mthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
* W# C7 K+ N, H$ }2 YYour body is so sexy
* R/ [0 p6 T# A, o" y; AAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
5 I+ R- X9 Z! {2 A, ]1 Q2 l: e% U% U4 BAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem

, D& z7 |: D$ h. ]0 T; y
7 N3 I/ p) Z4 |- y2 [5 }His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
( Q; ^' P( g4 e+ v+ gHis hand would be hers to hold forever
' M! g' m/ o( I3 |0 @His forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
0 X) a7 ]) S$ K* J8 F, m3 |  zShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas

* O9 J- ^, U5 [3 R+ N+ CBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
' @1 x( B& c! l7 q8 }3 X8 j0 n; twhen I was with you
0 ^7 Z; ]9 |" @My heart beat so fast
1 F; S5 X2 o; u) x, zI looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
) n4 k/ [% E' F" @, o
- C5 {# ?" z3 t2 j& ]" oYou left me without a word
5 `1 A% V$ C) _/ S7 m/ l3 ~$ dI have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?
/ e1 t# E1 R6 ]" A8 ^
$ ]3 g2 I5 c1 Q5 `, Y8 F1 AFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
3 Z. a- Z$ O$ W$ {* q% P# t  _I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
: u# Y$ c/ g. Y, b+ P: I你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
) S0 N  C; p0 Y/ F# q4 W阿,我爱你
/ m0 D% p% u8 P2 U你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
4 @  C$ n( v* ?$ j3 M不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
. C0 ~* M/ q+ I! X' s4 }6 ^
! b* k1 ~, {; x7 n) ?+ h( [  J如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
0 Y% m1 q. U) j0 A至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
& u; Q: b' b8 E6 U+ a. Z) Z你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
- t9 m( H1 b2 c1 f8 G! C阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
) V8 |7 ~: q2 N* m3 o+ F我爱上你的大嘴唇
; L: F' y0 T: q7 {; ~$ VXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

: E& J4 _0 _  `
靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。