Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ [0 n, p! s" {9 D% SCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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0 a8 S" p2 _5 r& ]2 G0 O+ DBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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% x# {! A% A5 W) H; x) v1 rSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) G9 Y  y; O7 }: TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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6 L/ C/ Y" Z: T& u' a+ v0 J: D# JMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

! {0 j" B5 @- SYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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# r  @) ?0 u2 p! L; d2 o8 DPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 s/ R9 C5 \7 q" v& }9 A1 ~& MWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 K- `2 V! l! c4 r: D+ s# Q  bWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 U! {0 r; @* v0 C# sBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' X5 c' c  e9 P7 v/ G, _                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵