Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( y; R6 a2 x0 \* [  l# m" nCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. {0 m3 ^' e' ~$ z5 FBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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- B+ O1 x# ]! r; lMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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  g- t+ j' c/ p- FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' X' [6 E2 V* ^0 T4 Z4 rYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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0 y$ A: o! Y1 sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, l+ K+ c! P. Z  o7 UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ `3 b: [& n7 SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
7 s0 r! `- b# MBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! A: t6 Y" v3 l4 a! m! `0 F' o                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵