Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

- r' S4 ]# x1 RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 Q6 x' i) X0 {8 ^: d4 {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 s2 R8 l" m" d. P. }: vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 |0 u/ z: V0 {5 H" a7 r, SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; l$ a6 ?+ N6 M, B1 o# OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- V. p& e: ]# D( K. Z; R7 C* VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 P( G9 l( R6 PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

4 v. V- A# F% d# W6 fYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

# T1 ]: \4 Z* c, u0 MWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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" _/ v) |4 `! C7 \0 O3 }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 y7 F, X; S- p5 f9 t* VWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  @" s2 `2 D# z/ ]! pWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
& G0 X8 `" X% q9 b+ _Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ M  C9 c/ x: k7 ]2 D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵