Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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. W, Y4 J. Y: R2 H1 FCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 X/ ]* P  `+ F# ~4 o( S7 G$ ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# U+ Y0 S" b) mBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

+ {2 G0 n7 H" Y. J! NVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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& {4 L) k4 X, j6 ?/ VP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

% t9 z" o9 S' q! |BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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$ @2 y! w/ _0 v! M( d: o1 C+ [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' Z, |9 ~8 D* w0 ~. m3 }STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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9 K* X0 V7 f$ ^' n# H7 KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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! b; D0 }& K$ f+ YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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3 r; p! o9 c% |: }, y: IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 o/ h7 f& ?) u+ lPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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  b: `  i# X5 C0 KIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: E& n* b3 l4 H1 x! d9 J  C& XWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( X0 D0 J6 N2 E5 r) o$ \% T9 ABut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 p" Q' \6 s7 e  l/ [, EWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) a7 v2 h/ e! \% d                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵