Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* O7 Q$ i2 m% N& cCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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; A5 V* g& O4 F# |: CBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 b0 Y: m9 z& c/ \2 [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: e4 A$ u/ F0 \) lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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: ?8 a6 n  e8 m' L% lP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

" M1 {* X# i+ z+ r# o9 d& xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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$ X( d% d. c) TSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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  i7 n2 y7 R' _5 eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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7 i$ P9 L" ]  l" a& @2 V! ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

; l2 w9 Z5 O: B' w% FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  ~2 X) @! C' i5 V! j0 `4 E1 |CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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+ B- m  y' _; Q( P, b, Q% jPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! n" \& M% y* K. |* _( CIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- P3 T" B/ l" c5 z6 Q/ LWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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6 m$ U; S" b% F& U7 S. n) q' MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

& P6 t  f, r: u- M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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8 X) d# ]* I4 a$ h- R9 SPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* R' R! d% Q( B                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵