Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 l: C9 f1 o+ f% d* iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 ~2 A2 X9 w; A6 y% f8 O/ ]% {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% {7 e9 n! |( Z/ F' t& a  N' v/ ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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) p7 x: Y% a6 z6 n% r+ v1 t6 H! wSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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. R1 R2 J' o$ l* h7 QFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

* d! ]6 q4 ]6 ^  X- [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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& t6 w; J. ~; E  S+ m5 {" [. lIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 S5 L! ~+ }/ B  f) v# v5 U4 PWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# l: ?1 v. e% F% i- SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
5 t6 B( ]& P# C; n; e' \Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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* p$ m. S9 B& Y; v0 G3 CWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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( V' v) R0 j1 [, k2 @" a/ T& SPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵