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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
$ o7 k- |; g; g! e1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   2 @8 n% P" I  \& A0 V
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. / i0 w, F: v( G8 v& |
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
0 E. J; B* u: L$ j% }4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. # {1 z4 o: p$ m1 w

) K! W4 a* B: d) pSick Days: : c6 A* ]; k7 Q' e
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. " Q  n& _+ _9 E6 C! |6 `

: y: I7 L/ w0 O" [6 zPersonal Days:
6 Y/ A8 O3 X2 C8 Y* J3 y; m/ ZEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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/ r, j2 c7 {+ J) C1 Q9 z" fBereavement Leave:
5 E, j) s! C3 R% E+ L5 R8 I1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
& q# R  w- u1 Y5 F- x, |2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   $ Z4 O/ v5 o/ b9 P
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   4 @. o1 J1 U' i  A% R6 }
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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1 `- e" C% R- N7 }1 W) _Bathroom Breaks: , S2 d0 Q5 P  j
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   ! a3 s; {7 j9 D
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
( `9 i/ x- ^. b/ ^* t' E3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   + ?6 o$ @$ ^  B$ C  W' W
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: ! U: N3 A9 k! s" B( y
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
" [0 q4 S4 t9 s% M$ t2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
7 g! u) A  G; Q4 Y; ~. e3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. . Q0 N2 i4 Z5 h
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. ; Z/ k$ M( Q9 ]/ B- v

1 n3 `+ f/ T5 u% P& [The Management , h, G4 Y$ L: B1 P9 g! c: A
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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