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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
# {# V) }# T6 U& H* P( F; E1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
# G5 m& ^; s& [) U; `2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
/ n) C% F! s- {$ p5 h3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
. h, W3 O  ^  Z& T1 q3 h4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. , s2 e8 I6 n5 e$ h1 \, C; H/ D7 Y

, m1 D- m9 ~5 c9 {Sick Days: & h5 ]9 p- x0 |* x1 J2 F6 u
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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7 b$ H. w% Z& @# Z3 y3 G' G# k" C* SPersonal Days:
+ h) R. G) \. R+ R; g: tEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave: 1 b# l% [9 p1 x3 s  `3 ?0 z2 Q
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.     x; n( O8 g1 ]- Z$ @  k& A
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   * _7 @2 a1 N9 S. B3 X
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   6 y1 |; c4 r* M* X; U
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ; y5 j. R) t( {6 g

* y! G0 R4 [( h. g& TBathroom Breaks: ; _3 e( b" I. ]$ z- h- _7 j, m
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   5 f% L& V; \2 Q0 J2 a- V9 X
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
2 W& i: S5 w: W! p3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   # a$ i. S2 f; ~$ ]
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 0 e' G( l/ p1 y0 r8 c, L

  D& d: S0 }# I# j" n# `, q0 bLunch Break: 5 R2 t' V4 `. p, O6 `8 B) L6 u
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
) ~, h6 e- {" K* }/ w2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
. j4 d! T7 |7 m! _3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management # B! A( g( n8 b2 j& c+ ?! e
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
大型搬家
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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