埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 2156|回复: 4

[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

[复制链接]
鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
$ D$ C. ~" `2 [; x: X3 ?" U1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   7 H# t, j( e, O& D
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
" x. `! J% x3 c: c$ W1 T3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 5 u$ h# x8 a) k+ ]  O7 t3 g+ b
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
% i* u3 o; s; g7 X) g6 ^& M! l- h0 [4 |) a; v: A
Sick Days:
$ c# g+ ], W- z8 |7 G1 o$ u4 iWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. + j# s! h7 R; H+ S7 O
  @( w* H3 t8 |1 R! v4 v1 ]
Personal Days:
. d; H7 a0 ?  @, T) N& t# UEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
; a0 O; X; }% u- y+ n% y
. ~5 j( u2 K2 |' c* p6 DBereavement Leave:
, S+ _, h9 v0 l3 l1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   9 Q: i. e: t6 i1 |  E2 A
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   , J1 Y: K6 @1 Q+ m/ f* E9 X
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
- Y& |8 ]+ C' w2 g& I5 ?$ v1 F; D2 F& L4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. # |, u# o$ Q+ G4 L* }, A

3 N$ U9 l/ x# _2 tBathroom Breaks: $ N6 k5 X4 M3 a- V
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   1 S4 s$ o3 c; r% R8 I, a' \% `) w
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
! ~& H; Z: ^9 S0 o3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
1 H# r5 R0 |1 E4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
& Y" U6 e8 I5 l$ I+ R) k! ?9 G0 E7 a- _3 x- B- j" H8 h/ ~
Lunch Break:
8 ~& i! t% T# F. K' v. {$ p: M: I) [1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 6 m. x$ A( M9 m0 n
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3 w3 f4 j/ X$ U/ F! g6 g$ b
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& K/ [8 O' B3 |5 t6 k9 N
& |2 U$ m8 `# F+ n" E1 o& ?9 C+ [Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
, ]+ C; s4 a+ ~- f: `* \
1 y) t9 Q. S& x( _% ]* j8 y/ YThe Management ) H$ U6 J: T/ w: D& Y

, X6 W! p2 y$ w+ ?5 t( o. hPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-15 19:36 , Processed in 0.110375 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表