办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
$ D$ C. ~" `2 [; x: X3 ?" U1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
" x. `! J% x3 c: c$ W1 T3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
$ c# g+ ], W- z8 |7 G1 o$ u4 iWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
. d; H7 a0 ?  @, T) N& t# UEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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. ~5 j( u2 K2 |' c* p6 DBereavement Leave:
, S+ _, h9 v0 l3 l1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
- Y& |8 ]+ C' w2 g& I5 ?$ v1 F; D2 F& L4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

3 N$ U9 l/ x# _2 tBathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
! ~& H; Z: ^9 S0 o3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
1 H# r5 R0 |1 E4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
8 ~& i! t% T# F. K' v. {$ p: M: I) [1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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& |2 U$ m8 `# F+ n" E1 o& ?9 C+ [Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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1 y) t9 Q. S& x( _% ]* j8 y/ YThe Management

, X6 W! p2 y$ w+ ?5 t( o. hPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.