办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
; b- W3 X* V( N! ^2 ]; {/ D6 I3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
; P8 o  p! I$ U# d: q* M
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5 a: b& F2 P$ fPersonal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

' C, d- F, F- l. n! p9 iBereavement Leave:
# c( ?& M$ g5 U4 p3 u1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
4 Y$ O% r/ J# Y2 `) @2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
5 O; |4 p  @/ G4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
' T- W% z5 i* ~. [1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
' U, F/ L9 i9 w5 `) D( e6 m7 i4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
" s" J9 ~; T/ }8 O1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
5 g% Z+ ~1 d# B: f8 O# k2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

2 \4 V& z/ T% v5 G! iThe Management

" l3 n) I. U1 o# W* WPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.