埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 2231|回复: 4

[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

[复制链接]
鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: ) I. E$ y3 h! [8 ]# f1 z% L; M% b6 I
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   ! V$ ?$ _: \4 r4 \
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
; b- W3 X* V( N! ^2 ]; {/ D6 I3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. ! v# {, |3 i3 Z1 k5 p3 d  U- r; i* P
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
; P8 o  p! I$ U# d: q* M8 L) S4 p, X4 H6 z6 C, R) G2 w  n
Sick Days: 1 K7 V2 Z7 Y" k; g5 u$ C8 \
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. ' m$ o7 ?- P' j+ x

5 a: b& F2 P$ fPersonal Days: ) i/ F/ ?* ]7 c
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. * p0 S) o) q* J( N9 a/ ?

' C, d- F, F- l. n! p9 iBereavement Leave:
# c( ?& M$ g5 U4 p3 u1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
4 Y$ O% r/ J# Y2 `) @2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   ' p7 y4 N9 `1 h
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
5 O; |4 p  @/ G4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. . }. _! y% e, O* ~2 O5 W
+ D/ N, V' V$ X# k, Q( H. ^
Bathroom Breaks:
' T- W% z5 i* ~. [1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   ) O7 n  g& _* B1 `
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   ) l6 p9 M) L6 k& j* Z& m
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
' U, F/ L9 i9 w5 `) D( e6 m7 i4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. , ^) V/ P! Y8 l! s, v
. V) I: j1 p' V, N9 n: |
Lunch Break:
" s" J9 ~; T/ }8 O1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
5 g% Z+ ~1 d# B: f8 O# k2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. * ^5 q" Z8 u, A' S: J1 ^
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. & L" L7 F: e. m! \& Z0 `
" I$ ^. L0 z4 f: }9 }/ Y
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. & }8 @5 Q* g) G4 v! }9 `

2 \4 V& z/ T% v5 G! iThe Management # ]' n1 w$ [+ ]7 _( m

" l3 n) I. U1 o# W* WPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-6-27 13:36 , Processed in 0.196008 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表