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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: - j1 s6 {+ A* m: T3 X& H
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   8 A# `$ t# |3 _$ Z& q6 G: a
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 5 Y3 n5 P8 T9 C0 b% |
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
" A3 w2 H, n3 _9 T4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. % O+ P5 v5 _8 Y) x: \
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Sick Days: + y# X& t5 K  A2 f5 u4 w
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. / F6 q/ o6 B2 U0 F( A
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Personal Days: 9 {* a! @" o; H2 m+ N" P
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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* |: w' D8 f" w6 NBereavement Leave:
0 ]  p2 K" ^2 B9 ~1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   ( R' c+ {0 ?0 L+ g) Z
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
  q. D- u0 t5 m/ m% i+ X0 k, b3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   9 m" J7 W6 u$ a$ l: r5 y
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 4 |* G1 g) T" V- V9 d- H+ K
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Bathroom Breaks: 2 S5 m& {2 x) M
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
  F9 V- Q- d0 s5 q' E! M2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
! C" c" P8 Q" n4 }3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
" q7 E+ x# T$ i3 ^  h2 W  @, Z7 h4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. & O+ u4 S+ \, c% b$ G( c" m

* S- F6 }% [8 \9 OLunch Break:
7 E% I; q5 `0 Z1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
, W' L: o% k' j. {  D7 c2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
# i' U' ~; ?( f$ l2 g) a0 Q( c; }! V& l3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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3 D% L/ }7 g) X) n: v# LThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. ( q, U0 {6 p$ j0 ]

6 p9 r+ E. R: aThe Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
大型搬家
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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