Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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, k0 z' Q3 j1 \" u9 D5 }4 J> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
; J% B1 d; A5 U' }. u- e> > > >little TONY.
% d2 L& D6 `3 N3 V$ r+ F$ L5 F3 X> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
; l0 [6 q) S3 ]0 q' a3 p& s7 v7 D2 ?>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
) l4 F9 `7 N/ G5 f( O0 ^0 f" S> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
5 G, S; Y* h9 C) P6 X& }& v+ b> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
3 F( R& e6 [9 i>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
( A: @1 u9 i4 `5 p. T> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
" b4 R% l' _3 x8 R> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
$ q1 e7 ~) b& ^' n; M/ h> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
+ F: P( C5 [1 B% n5 U9 q> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
" m4 J) U- B7 {7 z$ [9 s0 O# K> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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# V9 U0 `) L4 ~: Z) K1 l; G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
1 Z- [) F; B. {, D: i> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
4 E% e- ?- A$ p: `) L8 h, n! A2 W> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
. ~  G" l8 n0 S# e6 x0 ]7 F3 K> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# L7 g3 {/ }# V6 _" A/ A" g8 R> > > >allow
- g% R0 V7 G* X4 Y9 q> > > >you to go."
- q" A( N& g1 ?( e* ]2 I! y& u> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
5 p: |' Q0 K. P> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
1 K( ?6 D9 C. l/ O> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
: ~+ @- `) p$ S9 g> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
# x" f( G2 [3 c, X2 b/ N6 W/ x5 p> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
* C% B. ]7 I# B. l> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: ]& H" Q3 H" `/ z> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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( E% h& j8 W1 D' ?  b. K1 r> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
" m' e& Y; z( q/ m> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
$ a  ]' Y7 u3 u9 `7 }; \5 D5 K7 I> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
2 J- C0 K* @& Q( g, l> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business