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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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" l. ~6 Z; E+ J6 t( d> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ E; k* N$ H# Y9 \7 c- F [, ~> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on : F5 h4 {) {; d! H" ?/ _
> > > >little TONY. 5 c# R8 b. X1 t
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
% d; S0 t: P% Z$ v4 s& C/ `> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your 8 a9 @- W2 s1 y3 j9 W3 f- F
>thinking." i/ m# Z$ ]% M
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- S6 D, P- Y' q: |% c$ I, `> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the q) K7 m) u' g- }6 j( ?# B2 I# d
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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& g7 k! n1 l; J+ \$ N% X> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice ' C7 c B3 ] K2 Z% L
>cream. W. Y# Q3 K9 k: B
> > > >Which one is married?"
: o. d) r: g8 r" \. M2 d" e2 E> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
y3 g8 b/ _/ s- \0 _> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
* N7 W$ |8 j! T0 m. T> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with ; ?! t S) G; }3 T- F
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH % m& z1 h" ~7 O: j- ^& i
> > > >
, G0 c( u$ ?1 a5 u/ e( T> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 5 Z; g! `8 k7 E D4 M( t4 H
> > > >"Why?" asks the father. ) s) O% |5 _/ ?' @, o' I# t
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY. 8 H7 N- u, d! P
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
! B0 R) m" ?( o, ~$ w> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
, v/ Z! U; u! |! a: j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father. & P2 `2 F5 c4 }: R
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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3 u: O1 U7 k/ h5 U! C, { C0 Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are 7 A$ w) p4 ~7 G0 { w. _& S' E/ ~
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
) ?7 [. M; v5 C> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?" . N7 r8 f/ J1 l: t
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate." 1 e( `! u/ F, d( Y8 L1 B' y
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." " C* W8 j. V, a/ t! Z
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." 8 F' t$ Z# ^7 i: S
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR ! ?3 V, ?4 g3 j4 x* N6 N
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, r* ?. ^1 ^7 X9 U' y1 r @> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed - C; Y1 `# N1 P6 D0 M) D+ c6 J0 E
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a 8 N' X, }7 A/ [; v* A0 r7 b# M1 j
> > > >piss!!" % w1 w% S% t. [7 {& f' x, L( A
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
, t9 V, j$ v! |& l( h1 K# Z O> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. + M/ w! U6 j& P9 D
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
0 e( D$ X. W( k& l4 x( C> > > >allow
: m: }( U- [" a0 c> > > >you to go." 9 D/ R& C- u' |+ b- ^" `8 g4 [% K
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
% r I0 a& C U3 s> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" 1 b0 z. ? V1 l" k3 s* Y; {# i
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR # H# D& b: X: x/ }: M
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
; B4 d+ k; l! F d> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the 7 ? g, r3 U, g$ S" s
> > > >same sentence twice.
. J) V! U5 G. Q/ p' `, x> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
' o- U C- m# g5 a> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." / j8 y4 _" b; V, l
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
3 M. a8 r/ g3 b+ @ t. s! p( s> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out 9 O" W- [: @+ b, \0 i4 r" E
> > > >beautifully."
9 [0 f" a" ]7 g, c3 r% r> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly ! r0 T9 B y% I; _9 H" t
> > > >called on little TONY. 8 Z( K5 v8 x; r+ B3 p
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
1 N4 Y: f8 M0 u9 r# A1 O9 I+ V1 a> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!" 4 O) t* y5 l, @. X& ~. r
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER . A$ e3 C5 O. l0 X. f1 W6 F$ K
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
5 h$ S* m `5 `3 t! g> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
9 i- ~% j7 r* C P. C5 b7 l/ x> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
# Q: j0 Y, `/ H1 O- ^> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." " \5 l4 B% h9 o4 x( t
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." ; Y# Y2 _! {) l3 \0 v
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" . \$ d; p; P% K& K+ {. [+ g% b
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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