Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 U4 S, z8 M4 e9 f> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
! z6 Q2 i  {4 W; q! R( P8 u> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
3 U& U3 g+ ?" l% s4 z; W> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
  Z2 Z8 m1 @& t> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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- I, S. P& B; ~6 Z& }0 X> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
% A, B( G, g- v( U6 T+ L>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
, V$ ?; @1 v" C0 y! i> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
* C& I) P6 }: y# {> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
6 y( x+ K( c6 h+ j9 d> > > >"That's what I said!"
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8 ?) R0 h% u* `. S7 r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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0 A& w" \# z$ R0 ]+ M  x> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 }' V& d/ h! ~6 Q> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
# r+ G6 N1 w, B# J> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
" \  \3 W+ x1 u4 S  {) ?> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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5 \# F: ^$ U; I; n/ d> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
4 L+ X: |7 Z6 o8 D; i* V> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
3 i: t! u# c. H/ I6 i! a> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' w0 `& |* B: A) w> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 g! y) j, O8 P, ~4 ~; ?> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
% ~1 f/ H* a# t# ^( ]> > > >allow
4 {& p  q" k) B+ t> > > >you to go."
/ o( X$ F) K; u$ B> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
0 U$ d: m6 ]" J, \> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
* I+ K3 j2 l7 s5 [' y- e3 M" f0 D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
% P; J9 W; ?! ^8 R9 Y& q> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
& g4 }+ C. B# b( B; Q% w> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 P& p' H2 v2 F, T- z> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
4 l: Q7 K+ R" P3 F> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
/ e0 i9 F8 O7 p* t; Q0 s; K> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
: M' [8 d1 M5 k. q2 w4 ?> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
# U) D# ^' |/ J% l8 ~> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business