Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
7 b  e' N- R3 E- T. G> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
- T6 y/ \0 o5 r/ O4 X5 X; L+ ?9 I>thinking."
& ]* {$ p, k* a2 J/ ~7 U* z* B# I* r> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 m6 I& \) t, p$ ~>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 o. X- X" i) {9 p8 K) z! q! g& ?> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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: m: D7 b$ }; Z/ z) b( W" M- b> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 T" z$ r( E, u8 H9 h6 d$ Q$ z> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
! o) N0 U( X% ?/ [) p( a! c> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
9 F9 ~8 B* d, p& R& h8 Z0 Z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
5 O" ]& |. w2 _& ~/ X& I> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
  H! E# T5 g# E* c+ y: N3 @4 Y% O1 m9 ~> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
  n( ?  h3 T8 u( ^5 o> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
  b+ F- u0 X/ w: w4 ?7 i( O) L> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
7 u5 L9 }+ [# E* M# G% G> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
5 z4 ^2 B6 G& @4 U- m" t2 H> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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0 ?, b$ ~' l; Y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
, A6 {9 M+ g  q8 w; u! {' Z4 l7 }> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; ]" m, N# J; T5 a- {8 t$ y> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
4 p) b% ]; j5 [: ]. i% e2 j' R> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
  `. I3 u7 q& p2 j$ v$ p8 I> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
* H! M  u4 ^- @3 U8 t> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
# W& e6 ?; a: k( p1 I4 V> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
  D2 }. P8 s' v  ~  r6 O$ O> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
% A" x6 m# |( e# u! F$ a7 }> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
4 X( W- N  [' }> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
2 Q- V8 {3 f% r: |* x4 D) }0 n/ S> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
9 t2 N5 i5 p2 O/ G9 M> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% q1 V" O. i# W! _% Z5 F1 h# D8 B> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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8 R; B2 E$ }5 P4 E3 S> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 o6 ], T6 ^, R> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
8 w9 `( @$ M; `5 i6 ]1 i> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& f- V, U; s5 |0 h# j6 ~4 {> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business