埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5390|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
& h; P, @  L6 a$ H( p% i" X+ Z& G! p# }! A0 w
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
1 D; i2 i7 p0 N5 l
0 @1 g$ G0 t3 @4 v3 _" K A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 2 i5 U2 x& d$ o* c+ h! G
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
) G8 g- _( W1 U" K9 i' W there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
7 M$ C% t4 m2 q* r Before she says a word, Bob says,
3 a7 d/ f7 K, O- v+ T8 W "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 0 E9 l" b4 k7 Z/ n2 l
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
5 g! E2 }! L8 ]5 v8 [- sAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. $ K& Y% H% I; h, V
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. # A# {; v9 h* d4 v/ Q  z* y/ @
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
: X" R6 |# W7 x* e% k "Who was that?" 3 P! X& L9 p, j' x
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
  G$ `8 G" {2 d& C) m; {+ @3 M/ F"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"+ d& i3 U/ N* Q) O9 [3 c0 A

! I+ @9 C% P# s9 C% q8 IMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
# K, H: v5 J$ T& Q) W shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 s/ V3 W; ?( S A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
' w, `, s1 l' P, YThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
: V6 D9 g, w+ m5 I: XThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
# x) @8 X7 u7 L/ S1 x* S, N, C "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
6 s3 _- O% {8 ]$ I6 E6 iPoof! She's gone. ( ]5 A8 h& `# g/ ]1 z$ n* q
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
+ f! S& q5 f) V) h* R "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
( X/ O" e# N  E7 I2 V/ `! H, I7 fPoof! He's gone. 8 J; f& O4 l4 D
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 8 _& x! B: Z' w1 x$ |
The manager says,* X7 f) j" b) Q- X( m3 G* f2 L* o
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."7 w" E- K  [2 [$ y

8 }5 y: ]1 q5 ^* t5 @+ M Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 * q6 }' l/ _% s# g* x! T
*Lesson 22 o% E- `; @8 b* J8 E
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.% i7 ~" g/ E* k# E7 s
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
6 E3 V2 S& c/ W" n0 FThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

) ?" k; v( C) p4 X6 O4 Q2 M8 C  bIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*; g/ u; y$ K, B4 R
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
: z) p0 {3 F( I7 o# ]1 l4 QThe priest nearly had an accident. / D+ u+ X( d; L# A7 ?
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
8 C( o4 x% m9 B, l- f! ?3 `# hThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
# Q8 u% d* A- Z* k+ k' H/ }3 yThe priest removed his hand. $ Y  E- E* o$ H% f) h
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 5 d( U4 @; F9 _! j/ W  @; E/ N
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 n% P& W0 W0 z7 L' {5 @9 n( PThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ( j5 P: f, k. ?! Z9 {+ }
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.: B7 B: B) Y/ x
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129., W- C! P; Y, u7 P* k1 o( |
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."; }: T) ~  B' }* F( _( A! B3 z
" J& ~7 }  ~8 D* w) `
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*- Q4 Q9 Y; |" m
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.* {# ~# B  B) L2 q/ o
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
, A( k7 J& q. a( t: q6 FThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
, l7 B" a$ Z! V0 z: W0 }So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
5 A  }* c' f6 F# l; O% J, k; U A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
& o6 h3 F! g" k5 u  S6 q. l Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*/ {% A3 s. B3 i& l0 w8 z( c  Y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.". c5 w0 x8 G0 U8 L
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
7 ^  j/ `! ^+ U7 F* k' P' aThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. - Y3 Y( W2 I0 O$ C6 ?
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.; K; j) }1 w! a+ D
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.; I0 n7 y" y+ p% T* y* S
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
3 g$ l9 `. D; I4 u6 f
# b9 \9 ~8 e" b4 uMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*8 X, [# s, Y, @3 `# K
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
/ y- y+ f3 T3 b6 Z; }) L While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
& e& C; ]; e& \$ n  v1 |# } As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.   m4 _4 z. o( U7 c8 Y
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
/ p  P' k, R( C% _0 [( i5 B/ z% S A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
, H+ G7 w# S) a$ D2 M0 SFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.; M( S* m% \, a* J0 i
5 ?( x* P0 @* g" ]
Moral of the story:3 ~* Q6 T/ v5 r( c# ^. T# W
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
4 w! K: w$ h4 D& Y  G4 J- f$ Q 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend8 i* N0 Z8 C/ v" c7 U% r
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
. r2 C8 T, \9 x; }# y: n5 P4 n5 w, ?' `6 B* g" M; N2 O+ x4 p3 Y3 S
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
8 K2 h6 K$ k2 r race again and it won again.4 K2 q  \, r& ~; Z  u
3 R* y6 Y0 g! G% V8 Q% @
The local paper read:+ w0 U2 g3 Z, l, G0 V/ l: V, u( I
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
% f6 |  U$ Q( m# q3 g% Z: E% ^3 V1 ?/ i, g1 T$ G6 n8 i
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
+ Z; y4 K1 U& s9 \$ m8 }" a8 upastor not to enter the donkey in another race.) t% J: l# g1 S" a

# O: y9 \- ]  ^% y% u( }" j2 WThe next day, the local paper headline read:
+ J+ |- l9 V7 p/ l: c: X, dBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
9 R' p! b" K- w2 M" Q3 ~4 T" `( s# k3 G1 k# Q# e
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
5 Q  z7 O3 [2 s2 t3 i% |/ {/ @of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
, w6 L1 b; E- o5 R: y; h, Q- E6 [. I9 a" s. `
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:: y6 f* a5 d: K; v+ g3 R% y; l
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
9 K" v$ w. i9 [" [: m' Y% ]+ V9 G
, v$ f1 p" y% ?+ ~, oThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid  k( @- h$ d/ w. j8 \9 {
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
" D$ _0 d, b+ H7 N  W) v; f9 b- L2 o7 `, ^! a. o* z$ z
The next day the paper read:
8 T4 D" \( ?! u0 }: ]8 A8 z! WNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
8 X, X# ]$ W0 {- I) x) T2 B" S; ]5 x. l& _( M
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back# L5 q( X; K3 [( h
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.6 O5 R& S, w6 `; \
8 e) R. O3 M  @9 Q# f1 S. q
The next day the headlines read:
7 F" e8 P+ _) D5 M0 x5 Z2 qNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.0 [3 X2 c4 A1 m# V$ X) t9 h! H
8 p9 z! }5 Q: ~( t, A' r5 R+ S
The bishop was buried the next day.
, T7 D. q2 y# ^! T0 J( K
0 l- _" Q. y9 M9 I3 r) AThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion& T4 z  m) B+ [, q  n: v
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
. F- n, e3 L: ]1 d4 X* w, K7 g. B0 `, A- g+ Q
So be yourself and enjoy life...9 A' ~0 f; A- ?

, l  F7 G1 `0 U) v+ IStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
3 Q$ ~) n# Y8 r9 j" H/ ?  [8 k And live longer!( U  N! C: y0 N$ D

# j$ |: Y) Y) t) tHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 9 ]3 v: D' t  L, j) z6 o% l# ^7 Q

: y, w% s/ h, G) C) YJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"0 \1 A- @" a% h" F& a6 }
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
- _4 r1 W# o$ U6 C7 a$ I- \: @. B
. L; ~$ _) t+ }0 k  l. U2 XWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
% v# ?. U+ c# e, _6 ZThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 9 _# H* V) n3 w; b3 \. W

$ f8 V5 T! p( oWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.   D3 \8 c: x) E6 D5 e3 k3 g
0 \% G3 O. H- t  j% w
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
+ I+ T: G+ X3 [0 f, K/ V2 g* _* b, ?  M0 `# k2 l2 ^* x
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. % h6 @, x2 `% c" F6 B3 h# _

/ g" v% J  C1 o& @' R4 L2 aThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
5 m0 j/ {) f6 e( a2 y5 g5 T( Y; L1 \% ^9 z
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
  W& V. y7 t. F3 D
6 l% q, Y3 @1 z1 g, @As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
! K. N3 Y/ W6 y/ u9 G, Y; F8 R. }# qThanks for sharing.
# R( C) J1 E1 e- m( Q, [' H, m% }$ j0 D  V& m
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

/ R# k; m/ {! b' L3 |8 E
# c9 N! \* l! i0 A5 C- U" b9 ?. T2 IYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-2-14 12:49 , Processed in 0.153130 second(s), 16 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表