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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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( V$ `7 `2 Q" n! S; m *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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# P+ B. }- V. l( ?& D* }) w A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
" n: c! p; Q! V# E) |0 n1 e0 _/ ]The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,9 t8 W2 |- N/ X5 j7 E/ ]+ z
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.7 G5 a1 f" W4 ~
Before she says a word, Bob says,
" j6 r4 }- ]9 ^) Z/ C& y1 m "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." $ S. \" k" v/ J. R8 X% B
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.- v  {2 h  e  \. P4 z+ [
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
9 T4 m+ h. W9 p' PThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
; O" B: Q- H: i  L9 {When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
9 j  i: y& O+ `/ Z/ C. @ "Who was that?" 2 W+ J+ B6 `. K% f
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & U" B: a. i, q5 O
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"1 H# ?& F& j) l& E$ a: c, _  H

* W+ n: ?/ J" d, a5 q1 c# L7 EMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
* R" r, k: J; t1 x( l shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2, [; f9 R1 M; O
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp., G. j6 p4 m; c$ a3 \2 Y
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
+ o$ D) G; X- D1 u7 _$ X* IThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) M% Z3 z5 R, Y# k" w "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
2 ~2 b% ~& _! i7 {  d+ `, HPoof! She's gone.
- ^. u' r! ^3 V! j- i"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
2 Q) |) k& E/ l7 u "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." . ~0 y0 k2 H+ N# x7 {
Poof! He's gone.
7 N, y- [, f& [# v! n7 q' E" D"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 8 l9 Y4 l" _) U" [! c$ I
The manager says," \* R6 j% Z* H" S1 T3 ?6 p
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
6 G) G5 y% G% y, Q*Lesson 2* Z" Z. V( ~1 H! d! C+ p
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  ?+ R1 v, M! L9 O: ^, X! ?5 T3 B
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
0 n, V, L2 e6 y, S# sThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

' H5 K6 ~, w! c9 oIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
* }  t8 @; a% i6 x- E2 p$ ~1 L A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
( O+ i9 y9 @, b5 Q. J# ]8 z2 N8 pThe priest nearly had an accident.
# m9 \/ ~- [% B/ Z2 ]8 LAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 5 j; i) r4 p  k) k
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 6 t' [/ n  \0 b* B/ W
The priest removed his hand.
5 W- u$ w9 l6 dBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 5 T# t! O* G- p. ?0 s& L
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
: I1 z, f: z+ x4 R3 p/ i" ~The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." " A7 \) H7 A2 i6 q6 ~) X- G: d3 e
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
4 r. A" n; c3 ^" S, T On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
! ^: P& Z4 A+ t# w! q8 s It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."0 e9 x- b. n! X$ A- _0 b
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
# G; E! K% k' |- u* \ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.! s( X4 Y6 B& Z; t5 t
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"" W7 [1 ~8 ]+ g* J/ o; C- ]
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
) z' X/ C4 Z% `8 E  q2 }( ?So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.& _* j9 h/ f& F# {8 C6 `
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.3 |' Z7 {, I' }0 v% C: |- {' X/ l4 d0 v
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*, L; W& p7 d% u, ^* ~0 y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
6 e+ Z3 U% ~0 j8 x  a0 S$ z "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
7 Q. \( B! C9 J  s3 E2 _- E2 z5 eThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
' n0 h2 r' x# e) v6 gThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.( P" Z% J  ?/ F7 y' r# X4 ]
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
& x& a4 E6 Q+ O2 E Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.: q" h% [- D5 S; D) ~2 i

% q6 ]8 e3 `' G) ^6 b; TMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
% Q! b4 C, N5 ]! U3 h' V! O- [ A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
: R0 h  ~) U( U3 F% z While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
" K! e5 l. b4 T" G, P As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
$ |; k1 `$ _; n2 N; @The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
/ g& k( U# `4 `; G! t A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. $ |3 K4 {. v  {3 f
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him./ v+ ], I- c. |. @& ~

9 M$ N( W6 ]: J$ X Moral of the story:( u& s* h) f. |3 `4 B
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy" `) {7 w9 m1 B+ u8 D7 Z
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend5 b3 G3 p. k& ~6 k9 s
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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5 z* z) k8 [7 {8 g  I  WThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
7 T; A: f* {5 ~2 N race again and it won again.9 k2 R6 W0 ]. {$ ~& O
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The local paper read:
/ P, h( S( m! b$ Y1 \2 tPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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# }7 i& n: T4 `) d7 V! R  gThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the% L( ^7 J% U4 A6 }
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.& D* D% N4 e( z& }

3 p& k9 J+ R' ~6 k# cThe next day, the local paper headline read:4 _- a, B7 r1 B
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid1 E5 _; H# a7 E) U! k+ [
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.5 K' W9 c: o. m
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
8 q7 ~' c% r; Z1 o( f0 ^NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.# \5 X4 l1 f6 q4 K0 A
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
, d* g4 v( o; T' c. ~, n: u0 m" |of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.& s2 X# v0 B. _: I

/ O7 O( c% Z7 ?" @' p  `. G$ jThe next day the paper read:% u8 G& v* T+ \, ]# R# t
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.; B; q3 o9 L4 d

# |8 H/ F  |) rThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
* p" P5 I" C" C' ~6 P; j, xthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
7 a  T9 }4 ~, F- _* h* o9 j' Y  }
0 m. }& f1 \" _$ JThe next day the headlines read:1 v7 }; f1 B- p* B( z8 K
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.+ M0 u5 P7 O, B
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The bishop was buried the next day.. \; o7 d. Y; R: R! P: {

, f: M1 t8 L7 x$ j2 zThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion3 a' s- W9 D3 \3 _3 c
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.9 f& Y- A. |" b6 M  s7 F4 I

# ?# Y4 |2 ^* v: k; U0 m) nSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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) L. d4 Z; g& M  l3 RStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier" Q0 Q' V) [% k
And live longer!; q. H4 n. J# I/ g: }& B5 R: j4 P

+ I" _6 m# X  A" u. D/ C7 @! z/ HHave a nice day!
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life - z* q/ Y9 l% r' Y7 `- L. u7 H
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
/ i, P& x' `) |  g$ }+ z: f  nHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!7 S- O3 ~7 S) P# x+ B0 M" }
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. # Q" p' F6 d1 L& F# F" ~  r
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ' w) w6 r1 i/ C( F$ v' j6 b) _  s
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 0 S0 l6 `7 E% Y' {. O

" O+ L, a1 y& f4 N1 V5 xAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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  \" l6 [5 y! V3 J( e' OSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. & z. |" E# \" c

* w9 A9 s- [; Y/ O* ~3 O3 qThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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# ]- H& K0 f/ z( W  y% g+ j; i8 BI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 : o8 P- e3 L0 [# u( x
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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( @; c  V. `3 u$ w# o  E7 tYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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