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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ! O: v5 [% u1 I4 K1 a3 I

. s7 Y( D( \" |* H! w5 P& C *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*1 A3 u* j0 }. `+ ^
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
+ O  c* |  |' y8 lThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,' E) l! G: V! E, v" r: T
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
) l1 i$ r, i0 Z; W4 ^& l2 l Before she says a word, Bob says,
; x% o' _2 V8 f8 K  q( R "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ! Y  j" u+ t& T2 q/ i& |  `/ N! g. D
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.9 t; E4 ?& I4 C7 k+ M! h% L1 L
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 5 i9 C9 m0 Z( Y' {
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
- g  _3 g0 A) D: l. a! eWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,/ ?0 x8 [/ `. p: Q
"Who was that?"
5 A8 u& E; X. a$ z"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
! g; Z- S) U: j1 X7 x  X"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
1 a* U0 i1 D& t+ f3 i$ q
  ?& R" G! D* X, H- i! B6 TMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
2 {4 @3 I0 |0 k shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
" e7 T1 Y' ?* p1 ?5 | A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.. Y. Z% X7 J. Y1 v* v3 y4 ~
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 3 F/ [% j! f6 Q) [) q3 R
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
( j& u# g+ b( t7 u5 M; M6 b "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ; q* G, f4 \( P& u1 M3 x8 u7 t& L
Poof! She's gone. 4 @5 I( w- L8 u+ C* f* S
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.* O  h% F8 a) G' }  `
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 2 D# A0 ]5 k6 F& p5 O
Poof! He's gone. 5 O# a& B7 @5 d* ^5 B6 I, @1 g9 [
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
8 y: z, I! y# h1 U1 X( CThe manager says,; g) G9 @& B& i3 G3 ?
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."/ C& m5 E) Q( a0 I+ R

6 J2 w1 e& j: i5 {! d4 h2 w, v# I Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 1 T4 }. L. K1 ^1 Y
*Lesson 23 O2 Q' ]  z# y% @/ }9 O0 a) p
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.' p2 m! ], ^( b3 I9 D6 A. N8 v
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
& j* k9 g9 \( o/ ?3 U, _& L3 _5 UThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

. D2 w, I) g# Z; cIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*/ `4 Z& T; U+ @' R" h0 m2 A
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. $ @) v" }: o  \0 y
The priest nearly had an accident. " D0 k4 @" J  t7 f, H
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. / \$ J7 V" j/ q
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
  v3 N1 n2 w6 s# b3 G( [) P' H# S2 gThe priest removed his hand. 9 i( w& O9 \3 N8 Z
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
, K4 L% ]- x7 r! H) yThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" - A) f9 {1 e3 _1 J% j
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." , W! @1 K' C4 q0 b# N1 R
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
; r* i) n4 `  r$ f% b On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
# l1 q8 X3 ]# {! }- C$ s+ R It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
$ H* P7 k. Z( F+ A. `% X9 j- _0 r$ X" S9 {9 _, T$ x( N- d! d
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*% e& j$ G  p! E) e  m. w* w' `
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.& t0 O1 t  D0 P  g1 _8 D2 l6 R
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"/ z, Z0 p5 V6 }0 q- u
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."   s5 G; n4 I6 j$ j5 z  ^2 x
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# A& |8 a2 k. L. ~; e: q& ?6 `! {9 E
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it." D; b4 }( {* @' f7 H* i$ A
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*6 a4 Q% t9 {$ d. W7 k" f. N- K
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
2 t$ P8 V/ {# o "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
: U/ K: M9 v3 r3 t& l. SThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
3 Q4 Y8 G! m( FThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.% e9 h6 ]5 Y% O) \* t; S
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.( w0 Q' g5 U) {: i& d% c! v
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
; _& D/ a( y, s2 z( o9 v3 s
$ j$ V4 g( t( q0 z+ X8 @- Y; A9 O; TMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
  `& X% c, V; L4 g A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
# \9 q' v# J& D0 a! U While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.* D& R! u* E4 S2 A
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. & c; [# F! w& \: L
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 6 u$ K/ }6 Y- u
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
" A, J9 {5 b) y. Z- k/ o2 M2 m- CFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.9 c2 p: I2 R5 ^6 x
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Moral of the story:% s( c- ?& \' L& `8 f/ y2 Y
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 P# N; a8 }) T, z  q 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
% g7 w9 R* e  q; n 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.* g) _- V. I) Z% v* F
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
; F0 U* Y2 q4 n race again and it won again., D" f4 Y( e: h- F

3 r- g; R1 J9 f" i  eThe local paper read:
3 ]; X7 i0 e# O3 ]PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.( B: d- u. m4 L; P5 F- O
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
6 ?* s; L% ~/ Ipastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:% n4 D( X6 J( G4 C
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.* Z, X, y+ r0 g0 @! t0 W

! P9 m8 [% f2 A: A. g6 {, |" cThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
# c& ?( h$ _0 _4 k' q- j  v( Cof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.5 X* g# n3 A7 m/ ^* V

  }3 ^6 J) l9 u0 w9 o5 b3 dThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:8 T% o! h: @3 p4 K4 M0 b
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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4 s$ o, a3 W: x; g- sThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid3 s9 k( f  Q7 J) @, Q
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.# R! {' t6 W' O  a$ X9 H! S

: J- ^2 j4 E* m% hThe next day the paper read:
3 A/ c7 A! H5 N4 [9 NNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.$ U+ {+ R: \( h  ^$ D+ E0 a

2 b2 P2 b2 e+ @8 ~" RThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
5 B6 ~: q7 W: @9 |5 o  L5 Z0 Zthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
) ?9 U" `, I' W8 x; Q. C* }+ v
" @% `, q4 l, Q: B! Y4 u) pThe next day the headlines read:
! _% I! F& Q7 |% y5 D) nNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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1 K# n" O/ v' v4 c! C1 |- q1 uThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
' v' D3 H: h3 m( a- X4 _can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.3 j) k/ v- B# @& c  @3 Y+ e
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So be yourself and enjoy life...4 }* E% d! s. l$ R- j
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
( u3 ]; N+ ?' o And live longer!
4 B. j! L% b- b; g/ X+ N' k; T: B  n4 q
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life & W1 D, n) V  [' Q0 S/ E4 a

/ Q6 h9 C  u& ^6 lJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
& u% f5 O/ ~+ c2 XHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!8 O( @" \$ G1 }& q

% u) I# ]" o5 o, @Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
' u% p$ d  z2 iThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
, [: l) K8 i7 C: ?% b# d! R, y$ g. M9 V
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
" x8 b) s7 h4 V
' j2 s( M- x  K; s9 JAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
! {/ H. e1 Q: `% _, X' y" y
, ]# F1 h# r) |* h2 K- r1 K9 J8 b7 vSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 6 V/ G8 z! G' p5 E

; U3 E8 a# p4 S; t9 q! f' n( ?Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.& O$ E( W$ H( {) V

0 r. H) k6 P) LI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
" [* w( L. j4 b4 y
  w& W% n, ~4 [8 ~" ?As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
# P3 ^: d, }2 I: X3 fThanks for sharing.
6 X) T* l7 f' u, @: Z
0 F" W6 w) y$ A' _I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
) c( h) c7 a, Y1 f5 X! d9 r5 u

2 J4 l2 A% h' o8 f% H8 E* cYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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