埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5505|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem- X1 l1 Q! G( t$ X: y
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" t7 }" z! [+ ~4 p! K& kHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem( v& R. ?' _4 [/ f+ o
Thanks a lot!!!
+ l  b, b( P$ Y
3 t5 [7 \* r# G5 a7 K1 k1 g' e3 |0 _. S( }

: A$ y# H8 D) B7 J( d9 C" \% N' b$ Z

6 _/ u7 ]& W/ K9 p% N/ J
/ A' l( ?! C: R& M$ \
/ c) `6 S* s; H+ q! Y. _Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 6 \& |* x0 ?* y/ V' O+ h$ b* Z
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( P: `$ m3 v8 J$ v              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 e- s' K+ w8 O* I  V" q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
7 N2 n/ f% \1 U- Z" T3 |5 u" a7 a              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
3 q2 i- x  W5 D; S6 T( X8 g7 {              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness : }* v. ?: F# A  `: Z' L/ d$ w
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: V0 H- ?. ~4 o' L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart , W% l1 @- j$ l# L+ j- H/ |$ w% T6 W
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 a5 f2 J& G3 B) ^2 Z9 V0 T: p" B
             somehow I lost myself inside again ; N+ X5 J1 e* @/ i* A- `  b
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 9 ~$ c2 j! x& C0 \. S% M5 e0 N# F
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; P+ C. t9 Q3 F! XFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; Z0 T. h; v( M& \Basically, I almost finish this poem
; G( z3 d0 _: D               I am 一个人de精彩
) ?) C- Y: l. j/ p$ r" w" T               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ C( w- A4 i6 K1 p; @  [But........         - s5 v: N% |- ~$ \
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”8 r9 G' U. Y0 Q& ?$ z9 D" E, s

2 r9 i0 M7 C. y  x; @' e! V2 D卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?3 G& \& f) j3 O( _; C
- f( p! e) r& E+ p8 H: O. _
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ( u/ X& V' [6 K6 s9 R+ `$ l; l
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 4 z! C0 Q" _( u& T/ C8 k
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 9 @5 H7 E3 v' R" \9 S
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! j/ F# e' p! \6 d6 x- {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind % @' M+ T2 T3 M! ?  R
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
( D2 Y8 d( b( t6 K7 J* b& n  j, D- i4 ~& k+ Q# R1 C
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 H, x+ ~0 L: A) D( X2 L! d$ J- r
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 Q  I) r- h+ r% Y% g, gSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness6 s$ x# G( O, F" q/ M4 a
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 6 l$ V4 x, \) F& x/ o0 `2 [

6 n, r# c9 W8 [2 T1 s5 NSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion( P+ Z: b( P2 \' u
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ h9 ^) }+ s" |2 U+ CSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 `' T  x) r4 O: fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday + x4 {/ \* H+ m7 d2 Q( t4 _( N, k
================================================
& m1 b' q6 A) g2 R+ O! K: D( \3 PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! s' n8 j( y* O: k! I2 p% Z

9 G) Q+ w5 l" r" Isomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% y+ |/ Y) q8 O1 @, y
=====================================================================
  G( R3 A2 u  [* F; `* s1 @& Isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
& D- p; v( d/ b7 h5 r; f- l我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

: g( s7 T* \, X+ E& P; P* u哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
大型搬家
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-5 01:29 , Processed in 0.093251 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表