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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem% Y5 I! J; Q& i4 U; g0 _4 a4 s7 X
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ p, `* l; b7 SHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 z" N) f: o7 i  D( ^5 Z& M/ M" {Thanks a lot!!!; f9 ]! I) n- m& p# J/ e8 Y

4 d% I/ W: K' Y0 ^/ p5 K* M1 a# @9 Q5 B7 o6 s1 C

) v6 b8 ~/ d  o  u4 T; }5 g( ^
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1 B$ }, M! M. BFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# D9 D5 P% o) n              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us : F. [" t" J$ X
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
, s* I& {. ~* S) ^1 G: Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 k, k! [0 p, h2 l: ]9 u              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 0 u+ ^9 D, {+ m7 s4 x
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
0 i4 S" E" ]" H! P+ MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 k4 m, J1 t5 b- v% A+ T% A% d: U
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
& N+ w3 u5 U' m' b# c6 S5 `& ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: C0 c) @2 a7 U5 Z. o
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 D6 R: k  W5 K# u! }1 G7 p$ u" sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 5 S; }4 n/ ]  e% ]& N7 J
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ }* s/ d; W7 I/ P7 E/ N" i1 Z9 E
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................% W0 E1 y) \; d$ R
Basically, I almost finish this poem
: w' g$ t  R% B& F               I am 一个人de精彩
$ u" ^, c0 Z+ A3 z+ t" U/ C4 _               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.$ f$ i" P$ a$ h/ E' h1 P( E
But........         
9 q0 ]9 w6 E4 s5 n- MIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
3 ^8 A4 A; v: F. Z. y3 q; }0 z
& H9 O3 \: q. M) A  B( ^% j( L$ D卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
+ ~$ R  C1 v% ^9 j+ b/ S* M! I( }' c$ @# ]- z
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 v/ j+ g1 g  R/ B$ }7 j. E) v) l) xSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 v. J' |. S$ m$ L  Y* P' t% m2 gSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world $ m9 F; R) ?) A. A
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   5 \6 u. F. f, V# b6 T
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 2 j! I3 r3 M# c! t% k
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) ~6 F- r. n: d5 x- C9 q( [
7 W! ~1 u% |/ T7 TSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% Q6 H  I6 X( R3 m( g: dSomehow I realized you were still in my heart , z2 v8 A7 C- T( v
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 }3 E% D; V+ G5 m% ]) y* o# m
Somehow I lost myself inside it again # \# e; }% q7 }# E$ ^0 R

. c9 s9 s1 ^: `/ _Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  j* u; b6 u1 D$ j* j4 l8 D  }Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you2 P+ F2 @: ?9 c. t/ O" K. h& E3 o+ y% x
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself; c; `; }! @* C( r6 h; l
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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0 A' _3 j; C7 {) Psomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# T1 {" x" V& C4 _- _=====================================================================
/ ^2 T! _1 A9 y% Hsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 0 w  z" c; u+ R& ], ?4 A* f
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 C, \3 f) m& M& W# Q哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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