 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
( j( f: K: R+ d# s; Z3 v2 `4 M1 ^. k4 A* |7 l% k5 q$ t+ w. L5 r: }
5 E) Y1 @6 q9 U3 ^( ]! _2 Q9 K; I7 G u* N6 p* {; j
1. Bring your own house.
1 \4 ?+ e7 o5 ]6 f3 Z- o- d% o+ H% K2 o
2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
. c! ?3 d# n! g( p* ^# [. v' C* t7 {hospital.7 |6 t2 i1 Y0 a$ T' K
0 u) \0 `. l) D. {) Q3 T7 i 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
% B# c. L/ a& e* ^% Ecapital of Canada .
( f; z6 x9 q) g$ F. m; |! C, o( n' V2 y+ j. D" @4 m" U" u
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
; m$ N! \! l& B9 P4 ]2 p" s" j/ P/ G0 M6 |9 c8 n; z# v. W
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
0 K& w1 O/ c2 T6 \, dcapital of Canada .
7 {9 y$ d3 L+ b
! Z2 X' N* E8 ?5 N% d% H 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
3 p; C/ E7 i, J- @; ? H3 j& X$8.00/hour.
% F' j; q H& m6 r
3 c; u$ Y4 V' J 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
# v; \6 x1 I& \& N0 |! Z$ Y, Y/ S3 r5 k/ }! J
8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
4 R) x+ J" | v ~- T! Fon a 15 year holiday ?
- R' }: F: r. T6 i8 ^! q
0 R H1 f- z: S5 T7 I9 _ 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas8 `! j4 i/ A: Y& F6 P3 q
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)6 ]/ @" b( s$ v4 I" X9 T `0 A! {
' j* e" E& o8 M10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come" H" n" |1 K- z! y. d8 A
here sick.
0 E+ M! D, p- ?
# I: m1 I h' ~11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
- |9 f/ E* u/ v ]. J8 ]years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.2 f5 o6 [! {; ?+ ?
8 J J, P, h5 p4 L; \2 [! `4 c$ z5 C1 j- T. v: L+ j H
2 p: \2 `0 Y! @4 @; i THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :8 ?" h0 ]7 a8 n% b5 {+ C' {
) u5 z4 i) |& T+ \! m5 F/ `& O
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
1 P s+ P3 i8 v& J" i' @
) r0 n- L& F J2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
, `# r0 v% U$ P, n0 M' Ois from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
# L# N% X) e$ Q5 e
" d* P# S1 l) W; z3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
6 p0 m S8 z" ~! Q/ p, ?own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest' y2 d S$ o) V4 _9 S! Y L; c8 b
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires& }% _0 Z( h! o: g% a( L
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
1 C. V' m' n/ b" f* r+ ~phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way./ p) U) b$ t: G
2 u4 t& W& S; Y3 Z+ z
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,0 _/ A! B, v1 B( V; \2 \: s6 C+ u; ~8 b
cussed out, and possibly shot.
/ m. Q- k! T, P+ G; K' O8 r* v& o8 L' B+ W; \
5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
/ i; R4 Y' b4 n! l, z, ]can get you shot.
" ?0 w0 A' y+ L+ C0 ?' e+ q1 z, A6 ]. F! y
6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
8 R0 @+ ? F( ]: d) Z% jbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next; G) m4 o5 Y. x! h! h; V
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and- D* F$ Y# ?. e4 O* U- Y3 m
more construction starts everyday.! u9 t1 |/ i% e' C$ y
9 r9 c" _& @% z; v4 J5 O$ N
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,5 F8 p4 F2 q+ ~3 a) Z/ v3 b- R5 D
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
6 _3 P! B8 L; t. @3 ~3 B' @squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
o6 J" Q4 }8 o) E( b D/ o$ p( r/ N6 \" k
8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all5 _4 s# ?% G, b) ~
the same road.3 i% a/ w' {8 y% V% n2 D
3 j! m. |7 D# w* ^9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the* a6 Z) [, z) @
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally) Q) j% m. d8 b" {' [5 y1 S: u5 P
activated."
4 f5 o* O3 Y9 y. v' ?- p {: u! p4 l
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
3 b2 Z. h3 x& x w0 P& |zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
( ~' D6 W- o: O, paccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
3 {" w6 V- i7 [% w' R% s
9 W9 a) v. [, Z11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
5 z3 O" w. i4 u( O3 ?9 w5 ~" e5 Ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
# `9 d7 L C6 S: I+ b; ublankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
3 |" r3 o5 P6 rvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|