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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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, F! Z9 p; M( {! VThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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, _0 Y! H( R* E; g( C3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 1 S5 R2 t( x2 E; j' [' D

3 m) i0 {* K5 C/ R- |  @6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. ( v, P$ r  j# x" o7 J$ q2 O' k8 h

% W! z. ^$ T9 q/ [9 B7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. 0 ]4 R3 u6 m, j" ]- v- E7 ]; t' b
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. & X7 r9 C- G# [* Z+ u
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. . n# F4 a5 t6 G

( U+ I* _/ c, ^4 ^11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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" ?6 R) G8 j4 j6 P3 A3 C8 ^13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. ) w4 i0 k3 p8 \0 a9 z. R
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. & q& ^/ U# T& z: @( C# G. ]
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. / y8 d; W5 i0 Z

( r; h: \8 A6 t2 G6 B16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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