Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
6 @) I  U. k- q/ G; k+ gMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
8 f! O$ b+ c3 t, }and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
! [/ h& o$ f% k1 C# a7 l2 `and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
7 ?/ S' A2 t$ x% a* dSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
6 y" A9 |5 u  v5 gExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
) ^& |- d2 [5 x# |" x* T' ]" uuntil someone needs $5.
" \  E3 ]3 z' M! {- |1 y" nMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
' O7 t+ l, u9 S/ LAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
  o' j, u3 f5 X! `* F9 ]3 z2 q6 Bsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 `3 d. K6 l( [Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
4 |0 A* a1 E' H- O2 Ian embarrassment the next.
' G* X8 o+ w0 `4 O" v3 i$ }9 R  AMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
& B1 W1 c8 B- x, Jhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
3 W+ d9 k; }9 P- C; A* f: }Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
! `( u& T, |0 W; j3 q. ?+ ^) iMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
3 k  T" ^! \* A$ rjanitorial work  throughout the facility.

+ m% j8 P6 O5 @, ?POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
0 s; n- S% v( j# g1 K. _" }4 S/ kNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
/ E$ {" m6 I0 U2 e, Zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
8 \* N; k. v' Y( o& T! U6 X$ Zcan ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
, d" q+ v2 u2 u9 O, n. W* S3 ZNone required, unfortunately.
; G6 d) G/ O0 jOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
8 I1 G$ ~; h, ~; f; aGet this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
& w2 N" x! @8 q0 v, g5 }a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
1 w/ s4 H  F" Q+ F: [7 n: p- @become financially independent.
% B+ b9 U; u0 S4 q0 U6 IWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
! h' v* K5 t5 x! g  _# ^you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
, Z/ [6 O) R  A9 jWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
8 D- O1 U* V2 _8 W2 [no stock options are offered,
# ]! e# y, \1 Mthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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" @+ h& E) P/ @3 \unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **


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( G+ E8 b. {6 \; pForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
! Z) `* y3 T0 p) I9 ]or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.