我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
At the first week we met
( n% Q9 j+ U$ x6 D- S0 g
You have charm, you have looks
9 m5 e2 B- w- f; nwith full of pimples in face
4 c6 D. [- a6 R+ F. o1 X) ZAs spotting sky at a summer night
5 @7 R& H$ x, L& q' \They are shining stars
5 m" W- s- Q2 z! j6 f
) \. z; ^% X/ W8 \# ^Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
% [# R. L& C/ J. M, Q: c) cYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

) I$ z+ N6 j; kI was deeply in love
: o4 C; t0 K( K1 H& [Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
4 ?8 U$ g- L4 {' M5 _  bAnd I think all girls sound like
8 t+ i1 K5 H# D& i# T: a
You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
7 [% b6 k; ~3 O8 KAnd that is the price for love
4 N: o; y; z- q+ A- `1 Z+ w
. `/ V& b! K2 z! n. V$ uyou are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
# }( m0 f" N0 E4 x9 uand I am helping you to improve'

6 W/ ]  Q- f) ]You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

0 F8 W: h5 p* uunfortunalety not my heart
6 h- a( x9 m. I" d" u; @It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
: R7 P" ~- o( k, Y
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

& v( _8 A+ f3 ^
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
* ]8 K5 q6 U) k  }' S1 t  S9 b不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
5 o0 D6 v7 H0 E
with the charm,
2 ?+ g7 |& x& W6 f7 V' owith the simles.
2 f2 a' U) T: q. D' GI fell in love with you
0 k5 i6 F, ]+ ^9 \In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

- ~- S3 p% y4 Q- }Your lip is so soft
( i" m+ b/ o0 G& J( [. R( }there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

/ z2 [: p; c; Z( j% DI am deeply in love
* d/ A7 N3 E: `  F. \0 SEverything from you is so charming
1 c2 V6 y2 w$ E- z" F, J; R. ~! [2 Falthough You r so picky for me
: f* G4 P7 T: v" k$ sAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
2 k; I/ ]5 E8 M
2 q$ F; n0 d2 N2 R0 o
4 R2 c. U2 {+ f2 ?$ QHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
: X; o. T9 G2 B  x  l) U. Q$ e+ N1 jHis hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
# V0 g. [# U6 D5 w9 N7 ~$ eShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
3 k; F# {  Z0 u  W9 W5 j0 s2 O
3 L; h! |" D* w7 KBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
; h( b; T; y' F9 _6 _
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
5 f0 p+ U  k; E. e( S  QMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
% y: U9 @7 t5 ]2 [: u4 q- @& R* v& n
; s; Q, J- T. ]- y. N) t+ C& eYou left me without a word
6 n4 h' Q2 \+ |+ {I have nothing except my emptiness
! O! S0 q; g# L( yMy mood is like a cloud
) q9 w3 ?: m6 E* s7 E: h; tHow could it be dispersed?

$ o4 g- P4 N* A6 KFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
' X; |# p, U8 _) aIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
4 t) `8 F* n& U* W( hXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
6 s% D' a. D1 _& ^! E( o就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
% _" f' R8 y! r# `  x* M你让我心跳好快
. a& x% z9 T+ c& ?5 P你让我脸发热
, j$ s$ \2 e5 v* h; Z, ^; @我爱上你的大嘴唇
: U+ \7 @. j7 x* G. QXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

6 \7 E/ S& k: ^: B/ n) M
靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。