Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, _+ w; m" F/ S  ^9 _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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9 y% {- u. i4 p7 j& ~1 x/ N8 v' V! iVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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$ c% b0 G% y) ]7 ]/ b2 |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# l- U8 H  K6 W6 ~$ A! GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 k  B8 u; \$ i4 i5 {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ `+ r. Z6 ]" S5 K" ^MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ K) v5 g3 ^: u% m9 V% L3 a9 zYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

$ t. I! O- N$ e% a- A) {+ z& DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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8 |+ N' R* i! x0 X* YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 K& D, J5 t7 y% g* T/ P: SIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 h& Y. \5 o( h4 I  h. {( G% hWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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7 T: q5 {* a8 T/ xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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5 L- B& q/ g/ N& f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵