Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* R: c0 \, P8 T% U5 z. eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

3 h4 N6 {5 N1 n0 O: vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; L% ?9 n2 m& q7 D# Y" L* OBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ t8 ?2 C3 L% z5 T1 e# L6 y5 [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) l0 P1 F/ a3 C1 m' Q; r, RSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

- G3 c0 b! q1 x) `8 {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

7 A" _0 Q) W2 Y5 t7 A3 ?7 ?& KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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& E9 I' _4 U$ K; e6 \: gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# L* ~1 q  s3 K1 y+ S* ?6 N% _With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 a* x2 ~% d5 ?3 T) t( _4 ]8 ~But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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4 m5 g' z/ }2 Q8 q  @. q2 l6 KPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵