Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* T9 t7 g5 I( o" b# LCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% S3 `0 {! g0 _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; [6 y. l8 ]. ~! n* e  fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! v. |/ S( Z3 s2 n  VBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

6 s5 S6 f8 @! E3 Z8 ?9 Y3 JSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

+ q( l+ J9 Y, A: t- S& U$ t1 dSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* x7 M/ F; O# E* i0 s  sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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& ]: A& `% S2 Q7 GCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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+ |. a8 b1 c  B! dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 r% F8 A* F% d1 y  M) NIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 ]) T5 [: l- _7 X9 HWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 m! w( w9 H$ E$ J" c7 @7 g9 s  ]But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵