Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 {% N' P( |1 VCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

" Y, T1 c: v# SSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 o1 y& f+ z- K6 DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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$ \$ X! ~3 B8 cCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. M! a' @  F) t& f2 ]3 C9 ]2 Z8 }% aYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

2 V( q  h! r& a0 k0 ^WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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7 V! v' [8 V  r: t- VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
2 Q7 A9 `% E$ J* SWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
* |: Y, t" x: [2 E) B0 Y' fWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& S( K1 R& U3 |; f. |0 ^. mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 F% j8 _$ [6 {6 @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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; W: z6 J' j/ L( G( W) E) F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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" m0 i& P/ i3 W5 B+ q4 n* f( NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵