Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

+ T, B6 _& b, yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& A. S2 U1 t4 Z9 Z3 eCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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  ^6 q7 X& o' Z6 W! T5 ^2 XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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6 d* m9 _" O0 j; v; _! j  uP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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" d- Z: `. S' d8 \STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 L3 _4 ~4 f" _5 ?+ @, @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% e1 X: b; B4 KSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

& Q' q; C4 K3 b0 T3 F* LFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

! V3 z) U# k6 [3 T2 GCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

1 B  f$ `2 f+ t8 I; iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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3 C. v: n2 k7 `* d* f- K) p( ^6 JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! `* U' b- K! c* g4 h& cWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 V7 Z) d. k3 r5 R1 _/ n' _But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 H4 O1 k8 ]4 ]" C# z* OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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* j' d6 {) X2 @/ gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 H- c  @4 z5 y' c                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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! r3 X) T5 G/ t$ u7 n7 ^; S- S* p9 CPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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$ l5 g% t$ O) r6 V! X                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵