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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 5 N% i3 g9 _( `$ i
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. $ c+ S! T; {) b- s; N
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 s' r7 H5 f5 n. i: TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ' g: t: c6 {" A/ x) d$ z: c

5 a% q3 B/ A6 C) t) J6 i% yVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. # e9 z( p9 j5 _' y8 j& s
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. + r0 n: M! U$ D' o& @. S5 E

  a( v; J7 r1 Y; k% dBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, e- R+ P+ h3 k$ b2 z# l+ o9 NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 2 p. m# X: n/ ^6 `: i
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 7 [$ ?! Z  h! \- n
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. $ R8 t& Q6 s. t4 A& K" j& i
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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( L4 z3 o% t& \: E# JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 8 F3 }9 d0 b& I2 j: s8 R* @: O) E
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.$ Y5 ?* Z* k: ]+ L, e/ r
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. " J  a- l+ H9 f* I' I# Q
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 l) A) ^4 j* H4 YIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.8 e4 }/ F8 K' z0 B! v7 m8 Y" `) r
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000., a2 s; ?5 `2 v9 m  M8 x. W
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.- u/ L7 B. [) O2 k7 \6 M! x
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 4 }7 I  i! L" O. [% e5 a1 I# j# v
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ h" @* X* C/ @, q; v& s3 h, x/ W6 IWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? 9 x1 k+ n, f+ G" v7 o
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.7 ~+ Y2 [2 }8 X% u
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2 }* N4 r" p% w2 ^2 dPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
理袁律师事务所
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