Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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7 C) }' {, X1 Q* s% x/ rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: C8 a* ]. G5 A  XCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 j! }2 P# A9 @$ ^! ^0 N8 ~BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: l" T$ F& D& J3 Q; i! \8 {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

& C, \. [& }9 S$ q" L! H' C) t6 MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ z4 t& A& ?% w9 b( }8 wBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

0 Q, ]# U3 l' G9 C" s' |: KSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 I2 ^2 _' C5 T9 g$ OSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: w) I7 j5 }6 l5 Q3 j. C& T) jIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ ]" J  ^$ O" K; B* HWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ C9 n/ ~( M) n  z. _0 [* iBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵