Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ j- n# X0 s) r5 I4 lCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  l2 {: e% ]) h$ a' rCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 l6 \/ p4 U% p" R; VBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- q% j. i2 R( U' u, q1 bBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

: ~) H+ m( L$ K" w5 p  P! USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, a2 a& P$ N5 g, VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' \% g# J6 W& D( M' fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

7 _6 A0 O' a. [4 W& R9 IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

! m! M+ o  c. e4 u! s& hPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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0 Y/ z# t& Q+ h7 S2 EIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ w* ^  T5 P3 W0 L5 s4 u) R, L3 P8 kBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ l) C1 ?' V6 D! u# d9 n  f7 g! XBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ ^4 j* {! q% ]! X) |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) p2 e  R$ R( Y0 w) d: n6 ~                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; z; d" m* l+ h& A* UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵