Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

9 j1 `: e2 [) @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 x' j  V  q3 U' m# f2 E  t' kP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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2 |6 N' R2 _' V& Y2 zSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

% z$ r! a! s0 E4 j2 rSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

& L8 @& M$ M5 _' ?6 M: L  {2 pSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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9 G; G' R! `# H" M6 z- w# NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, t- s! e/ K7 i; ]* S7 d% [8 RMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' Z& m$ `' W8 {1 U8 P7 D9 y7 ]2 a5 h% ^4 BCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

/ j. M: y0 [4 V  E$ p2 F& V4 Z* r2 \WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" @! F( [/ z- a- K0 dINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

2 O0 ?* M9 Y- m) w" u0 _7 MPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( s4 q8 c* O$ A9 A- B7 o8 Y                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵