办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
0 a$ ]8 y1 _5 h) `% f7 U( B1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
, _/ S. ]  N3 V2 v- B6 d7 g/ m2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
- v- J  x2 k  _# P2 e3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
; {0 U+ }+ T; z' ~/ ?; k4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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, h# ?. M$ M0 S4 f. C4 CBereavement Leave:
- q$ G4 `2 u3 g1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
7 n" r6 J9 Y: _0 O2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
1 R; {: v$ }  ]' |* {1 x( |9 ^4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
* E' ]6 Q% ]+ _4 w: e1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
5 e+ l) }- Q3 C& E! @8 F7 I5 c4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

. F6 ]. i+ {7 h& L4 C4 WLunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management

: f: I2 i( D* d) `" j* ]& N! o3 JPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.