Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
6 S& ~9 G9 i) Q5 ]4 U& R" t+ z> > > >little TONY.
3 W8 f5 f$ K% N3 l6 t5 `> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
/ G$ Q. r( n/ s# M4 d. x& B>thinking."
. d6 c, `# t6 p6 Q( v$ |; I5 m2 J> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, Y: x. L! Z2 K7 C> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
' K4 S. _0 g& _* R, e>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
  W; @! C% {" O( ]* ?, q# G> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. {- {/ p9 a1 A. B6 y9 W> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
( W$ a' B; b+ V- U7 {$ E2 ?; a* G> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
. `7 d1 |' w- P0 i5 v$ q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
3 @# @4 ?4 T' s; }0 S+ V8 @! T> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* v7 Y) t$ S$ [8 M9 a> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( x; B1 w& {+ u" `$ C> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
8 ?1 B0 m' k; z* E% O> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
8 E2 }8 y0 ~! F5 A- E# m, o& O6 b> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 i4 S& k  T- k2 f# B+ o4 Q> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 F' @" T% S  X* N> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
2 K3 m, v, H6 [5 c* C> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
7 R7 p  N5 r6 T6 Q1 f> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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% @7 Z& b& A' `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* [0 f1 w3 o2 d2 K# u; L2 n6 j/ a. [> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) H1 n' c) v* i4 h7 y& A" d& }8 _> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
. B0 ~( N; `! g> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
2 t' ]/ t% s( A  s( B' p/ K> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
4 J0 o' h" {  C. ?: o> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
& k: x' O9 e4 {0 Y0 g: }3 f# L/ V& b" a> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
7 T% l4 O7 x' d+ _# e# C> > > >
7 B  S" \" x/ {1 Z2 z3 o, L4 t> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
% q" Y, j# I- S6 v3 [> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) @9 |2 [" Y) Q2 O5 ~& L  ?6 d> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
5 C. r8 V- W! u4 f> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
: E0 A4 k) f. c  ^* O7 @> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
: r) e" E7 O% j+ M/ v> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% d* C$ z% y* _6 s9 m. p/ H0 ^  B( K> > > >called on little TONY.
* q) Z  R- |. L0 |> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% x# I. Z; I' r, J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
2 ?. r: Q; \( Y$ j% |& i> > > >
> > > >
1 l6 ~7 K3 E# g# b( V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
% R/ ^$ n' z4 s4 v6 z5 C+ B> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
. _% v7 t2 [, S. }> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 x  k8 w6 {% I" A' ^> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 S' H) |+ T; T6 i& p, T1 O! i> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
: F7 a. z: g9 H0 h. U> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
8 S7 ?  I( \8 D+ L8 I3 M% Q> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business