Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
* j& r$ M$ Q- h8 ?  t! s0 J> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
; U. s- A$ \" I5 V/ j9 M> > > >little TONY.
& o& m3 X3 m4 Q2 b: s> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
5 r9 V' A) L7 h& D> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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7 {9 M, R9 X! `> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
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> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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6 D* m/ }  H, ?7 z: f! R' i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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2 L- q9 F" F& l% a7 e> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 C$ p& Y: v, b. g> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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# l$ h: G  j* {% @" [> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
1 X- d  h& r- G# g- d> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, ^* I& O3 E/ |+ c5 y> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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3 n) f8 J5 |0 s: H, N6 F$ }7 d> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
$ v% D, i# r* w& _8 ~- P> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
  Y2 v2 g! t; W5 f& [' S/ U> > > >piss!!"
2 o7 b& i2 m: z5 G  f5 p# s> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
. C" j- ^% ?2 N) \- F> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
3 a8 ~3 B4 A5 C  M5 r+ d> > > >allow
3 D- E" a; T" ]5 e& G4 C5 r: L8 F> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
& x; J* E5 O5 |! |> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
  y4 M; S; q, x9 W2 f2 h3 a> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
4 l% A, X# Q% _* o9 ^! R4 V> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
* E$ T2 O9 D9 u; t! \> > > >beautifully."
- M0 q" n! X* i: f3 @7 B2 N> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
1 f* {1 A% q$ \, |5 |: E> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
; I3 C6 n  R* V  `, q: a5 B$ [3 Z> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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( C2 |5 T# F& y, S7 g: ~1 S> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
  _1 h; x2 D% L> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
* p# V/ g  |5 C; U> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
% h" a* T6 a+ y> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business