Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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6 L# v* x! j' t& ]$ {" Y1 \; N> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
% b6 O6 R4 e- [1 y0 L> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
5 U6 {" B! e$ ~; \( c7 {' C- T> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
! L3 u/ p" _1 t( c: `& r$ Y+ O5 v# K) {> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
& }2 F5 I1 ]% G, \- [> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. n/ X- Q& e8 D6 w' s> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( _) z0 S! e2 y7 {7 ?5 B/ y> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 X1 l+ V) M6 o  Z> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
8 B9 T, ]; R' P  B> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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6 j, Q4 q7 X+ d3 ^: D/ _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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1 W) J& T. N6 O" u5 l6 I2 Y( S> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 {7 E) o/ n" R2 H5 q8 N> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
! K5 h- N) \" l" Z; g9 R) z4 C> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' k5 _' J  e8 j. z1 D> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' f7 b, E7 f( w: y6 m> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
9 I8 G0 z6 K( O- |; X. ~" l> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
" V$ T/ ]/ L3 ~, b, N2 y> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
0 W+ i9 f$ n4 W1 r) w( e, x* N# N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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( p! d5 D4 c( g$ x; ?6 z8 E7 w/ y* f> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
- V( z. i' t$ V: }5 y> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 f, E4 r- @1 N+ G> > > >same sentence twice.
0 V5 q$ d. x4 K2 s) q/ |. z' c/ U> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
: Z, H3 n& b6 Z> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
3 x6 [' `& g* a> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
6 h: J# D+ _2 ]  }> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
& h. O+ @% Z3 i" Z4 j9 l6 g, Q, h> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
' f: F/ W; M" E% J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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' P9 E6 t: D8 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
. [$ B; z) S1 q5 U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
1 [$ N8 j% C* v> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
0 G1 w; P4 R) i& [, m> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business