Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
1 f% i( ?" v- Z: }1 r> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
0 g8 D1 @) k7 x8 M1 e/ n> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
7 w) d& k, ?0 }5 Z9 d% O: X2 m& X4 ?> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ ^6 K! E, |9 g>thinking."
- w( e& s7 q" C. C> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
* \2 q! ?3 z& l$ c# Y2 f> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
9 {3 N' h+ T% M5 K>cream.
! g( W! k0 z  d5 S- Y3 ]$ O& I7 X( U> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 h! a- [( T# j+ F& t& |> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
) V1 D2 Q! P) n5 T1 ]4 P7 i- s3 N> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
8 Z: i$ Y- B: V; i  I( T> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
% P$ {2 S9 |4 Q" L" J1 m$ E' g> > > >
2 _( B1 u. X7 A9 W> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
6 T4 t0 D# A9 o- |, w0 _& ]> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 E: S( ^# n6 J3 ]" e$ p$ X> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
/ s/ I2 a; @5 w" z, R+ |8 t% K> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
$ [) }2 R0 u& i3 I# a1 x> > > >
1 D7 j- @; {' k> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
+ |; U, d; G" r9 U% ^! k( A2 z> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
. Q1 K2 J  W7 A$ O) B> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
: p6 J8 F! n9 f; _: Y* c> > > >
> > > >
0 X  p0 n. G/ f$ m7 H- j7 D> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
( a$ J5 d# k! i% A' L> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
/ A1 C2 c6 H' t' _9 B, |5 W> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
6 U' T% ~! t' ]7 k) C3 {1 P> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
4 A  u/ F+ x5 J2 W( q> > > >you to go."
: J* U4 d) G: R% x! C8 l9 _, b> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: ^9 s7 l" l  \! Q  Z% h" W2 X, r> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
# Y+ ~' ^$ r! z, k> > > >
4 l$ _8 K% N4 J$ Q* o, r> > > >
% _% s) X8 h: G" U: S1 q# K, `; Z- d> > > >
" n0 S* @& U8 F8 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 N( Z) P  {( R  ?: ]2 S> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
/ C3 C, ^7 C8 [6 g) W, {+ _: A: x> > > >same sentence twice.
  Z5 i7 {- Q. o" s: w+ s; U> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
/ T9 n$ D  K& T> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
% N: z9 P" ^, o) Y> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
7 N9 A; W; e! s> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
) ^' v2 t! ]2 p! ]$ I6 P* m& h> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
0 ~, {4 y8 C& j' s7 O> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 `8 z" _9 k1 d' i9 y! r$ [1 p% R> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
8 h) M# h5 k4 X, B9 u> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business