Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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0 h1 ^' t0 j( o- d> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
3 S; H/ V: v' u# x* S> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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5 p* O" ?: ^: Y) D8 V> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
/ }3 l  x  J* \: @; A- Y>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
3 m7 P5 i1 y# V0 X  t! a& `2 q> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
0 d& |7 L$ ?4 ^7 F) l6 v> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
7 d4 |7 c8 ], R  z& u> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
. G# a) N* f5 g% E% U- S> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
6 }' Z  ?7 e/ M: n4 Q: {! L0 g7 k> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
. R* t+ j  u. q) \% h# p. b> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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: I( C: V) a9 L' M" q2 p8 {8 M" i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
/ W# N% |8 Z/ Q3 j: ^6 V> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: ]! m5 j) P+ \- g, }+ c& H, Q> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
+ J5 {/ N0 B( R( Y> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
- T9 M3 n' c% s. u> > > >piss!!"
; h* ?8 y1 D$ Z2 f7 r> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% ]) j; m3 N! `+ m> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
9 K3 i* X) |- U/ y% q> > > >allow
+ h' D0 A* N/ X3 Q0 L& o> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
/ t. t2 z0 t3 X( h  ]> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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, c/ Z: f2 l+ _' U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 N# {" c% j; N> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
4 ~" [: ~  B7 S( S" V/ G% l> > > >same sentence twice.
$ D3 h% S; E% n' v! I$ ?' i. s> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
$ ]4 |+ Y" P2 ]0 S+ O8 q+ ^! V> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
$ r( Q5 l2 h" \' |> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
$ G8 l. P9 b( T  U5 Z> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
) k9 T6 v+ o8 T8 d$ s. X* x6 v+ ~" @> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
3 k/ N2 m6 P; Z1 W# W. r% w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
& u/ r9 U0 j9 A/ D+ h% g+ [> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
* T, j2 V! z2 g" y> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
* B! _" P6 A; r> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
* O" B9 W; c% G! b) b: i> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business