Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
$ i0 I, P( S- k( x  t> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
# q7 ^) _9 t( w. D> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
% t# r/ `( n7 l& ?; M> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
2 L3 Y; D* g; |> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
$ f+ \8 P  n& X1 F$ j8 c> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
! j& Z' s" w, _( F4 p> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
* d8 p0 @9 E3 U8 [> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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4 f8 `1 W; D6 C! I" ?& A1 N> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
3 l$ A! x, p2 M+ R> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
. X" A7 \; B4 @3 u> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 ?, b3 \, g- u. v> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
! O9 F9 E  c! f. `) V> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
" Q3 L! A# E' ]& ?7 E! d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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; e" O, P4 ]* C> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
( l" d; t, b3 F1 A0 |> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
, j! ]. b& s* k! O( U6 {4 _8 Y: q> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
+ |! ]/ b3 v7 G0 X+ @* j: P> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
! e9 n/ H6 y$ P) e> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 K( u/ m% O) W> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
/ G0 V" l/ |1 W2 L7 x# p: P/ E> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
3 W, I( B+ z' |2 {6 O5 R> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
% [$ Y3 U: J. P, B0 j1 p0 j& f9 O> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
) e# A  T+ T' u! c! h% Z5 j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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) Y: j* {6 V2 _: _> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
; V0 G' C9 w* M; U> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) I, ~8 M) C2 G, v3 K6 C. k& x# t> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
* e& P  F9 p" r0 q. k5 @2 z> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
3 L1 U  a6 N8 [0 ^8 [> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
8 o: |) B' I+ F5 ]  G6 a0 f0 C9 b> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
& v: N5 i, G) I$ J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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: j$ w& T, ^- P% G3 U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) u7 R( r/ j6 N. k> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
! v( C( X5 W( O9 c/ K6 H1 M3 J% m8 s> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business