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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 3 t/ S; T# K. X# f6 g6 x
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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' \9 O) l. u) h A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. ! @  k: q( U, [$ A( `: W; W* _
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
* O/ z% U/ u, v1 k$ S! f there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.9 G0 ?+ Z7 E4 g# T
Before she says a word, Bob says,8 p8 [, _+ `  d/ `0 ]" }  k& m
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
5 u+ L8 E, @& J" mAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob." M/ G- }" p0 X* q! q
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
" ]5 j5 Q! k  w0 Z) cThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ; K9 U' ^. q, V: u* s
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,6 c, `8 {% H  L( G* o9 m2 J5 G: Z
"Who was that?"
# [/ V1 Q: |1 e* r& v% Y"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
% B1 N6 d* z' j1 C' U9 B"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?") Y5 p- B  H( F6 Z, G2 d

/ U) G( J- c5 m+ ], J0 ^Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
- M0 {8 l/ m- f0 P/ U; K. m shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 25 J& M+ k% I* s' @" Q
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.: u+ `3 G0 z% q& D7 m4 w
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
. l9 A- m2 |5 j- o+ b: mThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
8 {* g; |3 p" f3 s "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ) B' _7 H& ]7 H6 N4 R: f
Poof! She's gone. : M: P3 b5 w' ?3 J$ ]
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
. Y3 o  {8 r/ N4 i+ i( q% d "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ' J% @8 h; V! d9 q
Poof! He's gone.
0 Y# H0 V* P- X: g, F) z"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
' n+ k; y7 Q, ^! oThe manager says,* [0 s3 B, }& k' N7 G4 r3 v% R
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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. l& Q% d% I; x8 t' r( H' W' y Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ; [; m( R8 m( g' ]" J% U# d& X  c
*Lesson 2- r. l0 x! J, b8 g
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 I% Q0 Y( @5 m& s8 jThey rub it and a Genie comes out. # g! }$ d; Z7 i  h
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

: V8 S% {+ ?( D& ?0 YIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*- k6 V8 b- |+ k' a+ @, i6 u
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. " ]7 x# f! ]- I" d/ ?6 F2 h, r
The priest nearly had an accident. , D1 s  d+ d7 y: F) T% r
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. $ Y* }" a: z  }9 n
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
$ `2 E1 S5 {6 gThe priest removed his hand. ( K3 s, W9 S1 C" R5 i8 G: u
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
7 d4 J% @$ }3 }7 R1 U( Q8 Q) U) EThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" # @+ u* u, i* p8 S- W: p$ h
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 2 `" j% z# E- |; O
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.  w3 z+ i* i+ C$ z1 s
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
: H6 U5 I, O$ Z  ^  ^& {4 ]5 K' [ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."# m1 X. c# Y! P: h6 o4 r1 }; m

8 p6 X% S+ `7 f+ }. q Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
; y. N% U1 y/ N7 v; k A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
  {1 w/ r/ J+ u A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"1 }# }! f) `/ f: S+ q0 Q3 I4 P
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." * I1 i3 n% g3 D: Y3 M
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.  Q; _. O1 v0 |2 \) Z) ~7 n
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.! h* K! |% I; W( L. P: h: E
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*, Y( K6 l3 |9 }- n
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."+ Y" Z! f( w$ Q  ^2 Y2 r/ |
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 6 m! z2 T6 Y% _' U
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
; ?9 B. o( h. l+ CThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
, ?3 f1 v0 @: Y+ l. M2 p' q Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
; t" D! e+ @) g* `% S5 i0 l Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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. G: c, n. t3 u+ s4 g7 J6 y) lMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*7 L+ o0 E. u9 ~1 f
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.3 b; U& E- i5 f" G" R: o  K0 r
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.8 z) s/ f3 c! \
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
  O1 E  h$ o1 ~4 p: W9 YThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
& l' g) p4 X& j' r! |8 l A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 6 z) v. H4 d! o/ V' }" R
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.2 {5 g9 K# }+ q8 k# l/ A
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Moral of the story:( N+ |& Y/ R- X0 `( F: D
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy0 R: C4 w) J+ b
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
- O6 Q8 `; h$ L$ o% r4 {8 O7 Y, J 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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1 k/ O0 k% G9 q! w) j# gThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
& L% a) t: M9 G  ]: J# q, _! }) M( M race again and it won again.
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) C9 y3 A. R  D& UThe local paper read:' `0 n  C. d' [8 G% R1 F" ]
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.: y) j7 i0 g  w$ |8 Q% E$ X2 Z) C& t
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 I3 X2 g" Z, j1 D- |
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:7 e( j/ N0 ]' i$ |4 q4 ?8 F
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
* y$ x6 M  a! L0 f# ?# A; @of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
* l, j2 m% Q2 L+ r7 h2 V8 L
. |' y0 g" ~6 T' k* tThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
( a% K3 m) j$ @7 ?% rNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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4 R5 m3 j3 {# R& f8 S% C/ GThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
' x6 g) H0 J" |- {4 {5 |' A  ~of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:0 Q5 r# V9 i9 K( c! y$ A3 d
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back: i" ~0 L! {( h6 @' l( S) e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:! O  J4 a0 z2 W+ i7 F, {" Z
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.+ m  e* b0 l) `" v" Y! _  Q

( ]9 k+ g2 {, M* w0 fThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 H" C/ I+ x/ l0 `can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.- d5 }: `- P- t" d( K. z, B
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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% q3 b6 Y6 W# S% ]6 }Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier% e6 x! ~* T, p- b% s& E7 }
And live longer!
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! V7 K+ E- P' |2 [% k+ o$ LHave a nice day!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 4 w! w" x; W% \8 h4 r( o
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
6 V: t8 _! H7 C8 t% Q2 GHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
, I9 K0 _% z* W$ t  w6 R: P
% K/ Y0 A1 A; @1 T7 ~+ BWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
! S# E( G5 f8 {7 d( ^# h  @3 D; kThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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5 R5 E5 u9 j& [We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. % w8 d+ D+ [/ x% \! W
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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  j; Z; @4 @: m" K. z) \5 r3 fSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 2 A5 E! _6 m3 J4 G% \

" H4 y! D' F9 t1 F! _Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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( `& G0 w1 g' QI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. " Q# C. a8 m2 n4 x, t

7 @3 R- c2 z/ B1 X. I  yAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
7 A/ [5 N$ `5 sThanks for sharing.
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2 t- l% K* `4 S/ D3 @I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
) d4 @  C( D/ a9 F' X5 f

  @1 x) f6 ~: v% i5 lYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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