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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
6 k( y$ V1 l* z  ?4 e8 TBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.' R2 o4 }6 x( Q& D
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! _  v# w: B" {8 \. ^1 WThanks a lot!!!2 R1 T# X3 l* H4 g+ G

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# q" V* ]1 l+ V. r/ J) ?

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 {! z3 R6 T( b( ^6 }7 F* \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us / {/ _8 |! C/ J5 T/ S5 U
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; }( E4 U/ k9 v              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 |, S$ E2 u- L1 B- e: _# }              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind & t1 y4 a* w7 a
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( L' x" g+ V& c/ C. T+ H8 R0 L$ j
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 k0 X( k9 Z* |, J# M
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ; R2 S, c2 o* Y" Q/ p' Q
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 C* F  U- _4 T  }( I. B
             somehow I lost myself inside again 1 J: u5 l5 T6 t( ^) a; B  h
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ( S" m. p5 S. W
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, D: B9 T7 m  @* KFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................1 q" X  c2 ]& t" p% ~& P8 ]
Basically, I almost finish this poem" G: N1 F0 {5 s% A! `& _; O
               I am 一个人de精彩
9 }" B4 P4 d  t; H% V               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 W$ {- k4 I: b7 eBut........         
8 T4 y+ U  f$ q: V: ~, g5 m/ l# |Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( J3 U+ B4 V: @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
- n9 h) d& H/ u6 i* {Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, C0 m# P% a3 Z3 N7 Y- ~- k  ~( qSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   8 W) z/ k- Q9 l. o
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind & n# }- w/ X5 w
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
% X4 `0 }0 o8 z" t) S5 f$ ], O# _6 M7 s" a4 V0 V
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! Q- }3 h+ F' L, O
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 K$ O' U' d4 Z. V% T7 i) ], T' tSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- u- ?- q3 m% X9 B! R& O6 }1 P
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 3 `/ X- z+ v$ C
- b9 r9 _: F+ q
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, O7 Y1 n. [- k; q( T# pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* S4 {. T8 a3 w: x' dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 W* I* |5 T: v6 E& K6 Y+ H5 GSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : `$ x' f: j0 c" [0 |0 Q, U
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 7 I9 H& J: U6 Z) r& j5 x
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ ~+ p" ~0 i$ r: F! b
=====================================================================
: d/ W) q7 }8 N( @somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 % E+ i- \2 T) c5 [2 y& H
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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