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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem# a8 A- x, [2 m) X' C
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.% G2 B  ?  {  e4 e! ~  d
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem! Q$ p( k) o& o5 z5 T% z
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 5 \+ o: l2 D7 Z# L' q& L
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us # T* [2 Y% L4 j  p6 d, h' F
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 2 U9 C' A3 K4 S8 `8 s
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 2 m& n4 J/ ?% E# Q3 H
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 8 e# k' W: T& D
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' F8 F1 z' s! Y' B& aHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' [& L$ ]# z0 i             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: }, j# E% k! [" C             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness  s; K/ V% g- w1 Y9 ?( \6 O
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( s9 F. L+ X" l& \9 O1 ANow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 `# Z* [5 l( p' K             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, H! C6 o: z  F# WFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................' f4 v  N) h* B% C1 w8 o! F
Basically, I almost finish this poem! E/ X- k+ ^  R. c6 m4 _$ L5 d4 ?
               I am 一个人de精彩
; N" K5 Z1 J& L% m               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything., l+ k' C# u5 G  g
But........         + P" t2 R4 J( \* ?* D& A+ |
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”" O) V/ Z2 r- s/ t9 u( L& |. L
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?5 g2 {8 O3 z' K4 D
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you . N: T4 g- F' A
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 F$ [2 O: S& q6 kSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" y: y( O! p- Z9 |( ~8 c0 s+ oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; ?1 Q+ f& ^* T& h9 [# qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind " z& i9 Z1 j& M- t( b( g2 w
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. L( Z+ G3 @$ N9 r8 D! |( [5 ?0 h- e/ T
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! Y* z5 K, [+ ?4 e
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart + z& M6 ~: J/ Q2 `8 E7 E
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- t2 V9 s$ P4 r* M5 H( BSomehow I lost myself inside it again , [$ f9 g1 O4 T+ k  v

- _# `, _) w( j$ i! V, [% P( ISomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 \4 z0 I3 l4 R. Y0 @
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# G3 K4 t, p' |Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
) j6 Y* R3 ^* \) TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 {2 w6 B9 H/ p" B7 }=====================================================================
% B% J! f4 Q4 @4 Isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 , _5 z5 G* @; R
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

6 f( {% X& _" U2 X哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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