请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
$ X+ Z% d; ^% FBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
  K& F3 U1 ?+ R( Z8 |However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 l) i! U6 H) O# e! A              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
) m8 Z. ]* D4 v. i              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
1 j  s2 S) }% B; S1 u& `) H2 |9 J              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ X+ b8 }. H% W             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( M. _2 W+ z. oFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
: L( j& k2 d+ I" o: ?5 O( v5 j- QBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' J1 r5 ^( T% QBut........         
3 M: E8 B/ p, Y& ~6 TIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
& M, n1 o7 ^; b; E1 T. CSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 \: p; E1 M% u+ `: i1 B/ aSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, X/ ^! F9 y& M1 o9 j( j9 JSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 N# m& @& W. ~0 p5 K- i
3 s* h( G' f0 P) P. i4 f) CSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, O1 x% D) M. J4 c6 @3 J; PSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- i. s& a3 N' Q9 \' zSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
: U- x# t7 q1 c& e2 sSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 {* F* {% ]# |! F# V( Y( V" F- u================================================
2 I, o4 e; X+ L. z; P: PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
2 {% @$ `7 c3 X1 j* x我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？