请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
6 k( y$ V1 l* z  ?4 e8 TBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! _  v# w: B" {8 \. ^1 WThanks a lot!!!

5 G4 J2 g0 z! \7 N1 _
3 _$ W( A4 ?2 h3 L
5 o- I8 h1 E* h; k& b; A8 A0 i' S* V! k


2 h; D$ k6 p1 w) m' h
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 {! z3 R6 T( b( ^6 }7 F* \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; }( E4 U/ k9 v              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 |, S$ E2 u- L1 B- e: _# }              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, D: B9 T7 m  @* KFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
9 }" B4 P4 d  t; H% V               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 W$ {- k4 I: b7 eBut........         
8 T4 y+ U  f$ q: V: ~, g5 m/ l# |Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ T9 I7 ]8 r( h
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
; `% M& k! j0 J/ T" P
4 c, g8 d# `7 z6 f0 Q

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( J3 U+ B4 V: @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
- n9 h) d& H/ u6 i* {Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, C0 m# P% a3 Z3 N7 Y- ~- k  ~( qSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
% X4 `0 }0 o8 z" t) S
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 K$ O' U' d4 Z. V% T7 i) ], T' tSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, O7 Y1 n. [- k; q( T# pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* S4 {. T8 a3 w: x' dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 W* I* |5 T: v6 E& K6 Y+ H5 GSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
: d/ W) q7 }8 N( @somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？