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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
2 ?% j2 K* n. F4 HBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
3 f+ P# G! E8 T6 S% E) gHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, c$ k  R5 E' L* h' J& ?  l2 UThanks a lot!!!
$ d) o; c- j  d
4 m7 l; T+ O% Z' e: a; [
, F$ V& S0 \+ W7 Q
% S3 c- s2 y& ]7 G. Q
* _: P! B$ k8 c# k: v: {! _) _$ d1 B* P% g7 g" w8 g2 T7 k  G* ~

1 C7 y) ?$ S' L$ Y' i; c, a
- a$ j, X/ Z  n# ^Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you   ^+ s: B7 V% H) v1 [, f8 T; B0 q
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 9 J& C% T/ r: a  R
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world $ ]) o. d( l' N* z
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ' E9 B: t0 F' a" }' u8 n
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind " n  b; U2 B8 T/ a9 Q" T- C
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 t1 P9 S1 m* ?% E) k/ y$ z. M& IHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 y! ^$ }4 [8 q
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart : K; L# c" S# E2 E1 w
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 k7 }# d8 B* Q3 }# ~             somehow I lost myself inside again
" W$ k- A" T# ~Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog : o9 i8 ]+ l6 k  ~5 t3 q# Y, C
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion2 k* y4 y& h  n2 c1 ?
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................( G* a8 C6 l0 x$ ^& J2 m  ?
Basically, I almost finish this poem. `( B" a2 C' d) a
               I am 一个人de精彩
- {8 S0 I( b* f               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything., F1 Z- _9 H2 u' J! c8 w) r
But........         
1 W! p% @$ r9 s# F* G, T1 s! YIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 U* d8 W, N8 q

. d/ o, R# d7 o( a7 z卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
5 j  [  M' v6 p* ]* Q' A5 b* w8 T& S4 j/ i
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 A% _6 h6 k: R
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' M9 G1 f0 ?% zSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 0 [2 Y4 S- a7 w" u
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   3 N! ?  M& H0 @7 ~" D1 ?
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 7 j/ ^0 E( a, q! x2 p, L2 _" F
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ l( Y5 B4 D$ g- H5 ~" r! z( b! i5 K/ \( n
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 C2 N" b3 h! V6 D2 J
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ r0 y. \! P/ D) M6 mSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ I4 r  L% m# J, i- x& m! \# I
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 5 B% e! m$ z8 k4 K4 I! b; V4 F& w

; T  K6 r6 `$ H. ISomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* G6 J- l. ~: z8 E" _6 r4 tSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you1 M/ M' q, G  v! h
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
* G/ M3 V, L/ d+ vSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 l4 U+ ^, D9 R" p5 P
================================================" a6 b/ G" h# K2 }' b/ F6 j; W
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
! D# L/ q+ @; T3 J* i- e7 {/ I0 Q. }. q9 V( Q9 y
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, B/ U- _/ ?* p3 t1 e4 x=====================================================================
$ L. y1 h5 w$ d3 ?3 ?- x' {somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
* Z6 S# X) W1 Z: W  n我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
' c2 ]3 `9 y2 ^7 U  G
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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