请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
$ j% c8 Q9 U* c: y' PBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 G# K+ \- a3 z# P, R& I8 KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 {* c* s; f2 X7 B. P- q; {; x* KThanks a lot!!!
7 v7 F" `- G; C( V' J
! Y6 @5 Z$ w: `0 P' [1 w+ b% R

3 D( f9 e- K/ P  S
* U/ [6 C  b/ G- U6 m
3 F8 `0 ^. j2 X% L! A$ c! m9 E% i
( p4 Y6 l/ K& J" ]' W8 a+ v
& ^& F, _3 {" J) W# y  wFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ z# k" d- S  i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' e7 `6 B1 ?8 X! }' u1 |              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 L8 A8 v; c8 D$ _' Y( X/ j              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 Y2 g7 `- T& h( w2 `* x  g7 i: rHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 @3 ]1 f! Z6 [7 g& O) {8 M             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- d( a7 d& n0 }" A  N/ O% [             somehow I lost myself inside again
% Q" H2 H5 S! n7 a) tNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
0 z8 v0 m+ }) z  ~' r. R. `' p8 l               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# G3 b0 r# k  HBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
8 |% l( ^0 N+ D' e2 }
( U4 i# B+ ?! b! ^卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
# l+ H8 y% ?7 P/ C

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 ?7 b* I+ o; QSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
  w2 [/ z( q% L2 `. }- N& H( ?4 l6 LSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# p. S  l2 F  Y1 x& d3 zSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" u8 b: f1 X! a5 D# ^
2 N! A/ @, w- t/ e( q# ZSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 x7 @  M1 V$ J) ^- A6 W1 wSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. h; H/ o3 h8 [- cSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 Q; i: {5 ^& |Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ }: {( m5 `3 o3 k* q================================================
3 Q* C* Z8 B! P+ b- |1 QHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 A2 \0 x' P0 p& ]=====================================================================
# Z0 Z, k& J- [' a4 Tsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？