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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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, J# q; r+ o# J# F0 D* I: c 1. Bring your own house.$ h" {4 w; C1 {: I+ j7 Q
* T \$ A2 U* T1 q- ?' ] 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and) H* e. n; _6 g& i6 M; g
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder0 x" C, U) X6 `' S5 B
capital of Canada .
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! C7 C* ~) f6 m 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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! B+ v' ?/ H8 R! [4 S+ I 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
* `8 W5 M$ ~5 A; [6 Hcapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
4 N3 \6 S" t$ r$8.00/hour.
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& ?, o T8 Q& k/ X 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.( g1 L+ V# f. t) S; h6 Y
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
$ u1 v* U+ R" X6 n7 H" P* Y$ ?* Uon a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
& D" l$ ]9 W, R3 Jprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage), `# ~, d6 o# K7 [' ]
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come* P& m! l6 c8 l# d$ B& y4 E: x
here sick.
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) h# G5 @* Q8 o; @4 ]11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
: `# \1 J/ u/ x yyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.& c$ \4 y0 y5 N5 y8 S% a
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2 \" @2 `! I. H; { a3 M5 w- i THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".* K" w8 _9 F2 C0 ~& N! Y
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour+ A4 P7 P! a4 J- F
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.+ c' w" [; S) Y) @3 D4 V
! D' h1 y5 L% G2 }+ I1 W. f$ V3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
6 e/ s8 G- @' }4 N8 v1 Mown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest3 w! ?6 b |1 \: u! u) Z: Y }0 k
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires( V7 y; c6 s4 z" \, B
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
: X' d7 k& z" E8 \2 b- _ D7 Jphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.4 d- `+ l: j; j1 \5 b
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
" r% ~' I3 H) N% zcussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that' R, K& O2 W+ \8 T# L" k- N$ Z3 j
can get you shot.6 u" j$ [) w) t# T) z
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
6 B4 E1 s$ r+ V' dbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next" s- N5 C8 D7 `3 m% P" g0 H
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
" U5 `" K* f& e: O9 X% vmore construction starts everyday. Y5 l1 V: V g. `9 `4 t
# ^ c! Y2 o* b7 m6 h 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,! N. r& l2 ?" J$ e$ `
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,- C# K6 n" X$ n% N' |, x! S' B
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.* I7 X' @! L9 s6 Q
7 l7 x( j$ F X, r1 z0 p7 \4 y8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all9 v2 ` m4 \; W% [
the same road.
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5 `3 a8 } ~, e ]9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
- P' `$ g5 X! _! x6 ]shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
1 ~6 @; J( ^8 @ Q" Pzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
2 F' Y" _6 E$ U) g4 U6 maccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur: @# h" f S5 Q4 k8 e9 s: T7 l
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and/ u( B3 ?2 B3 v$ v
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
; h! x5 d. b# S- \virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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