Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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8 {2 s* u, L/ T7 q' }) v) N3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

. f7 C& ^8 Q" s* `; y# q4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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3 s( P# N1 x( |2 y9 G8 L8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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- p7 a) u  ^2 C3 m10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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6 _5 ?" D. g: W9 T: n11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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* c$ T& R* X7 z15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

. Y8 e7 o8 |$ t2 n$ B16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.