Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

6 t6 }, `7 }/ `9 P( a( y( F. tThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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) B; I1 T7 O$ {- p: Q2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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0 \) A( M3 L, H% p5 S, q7 ^2 k1 h5 f7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

2 T: p) a8 o2 P* M' N9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

- h) L  A- ~5 m  q  W9 s2 o12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

  M) Z  I1 Y, Z14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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+ e" P1 t2 U2 w7 k15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

+ |( I$ b9 X% G+ C' h16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.