Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

" B8 f5 A  l9 E- hCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 P  T8 D, g* R. c+ e" YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  g5 \2 @  S6 U  D: _1 s. O- g) jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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2 Y5 r  c6 [6 O' @( YSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

4 ?, c: F) }8 G, g& H$ V6 H. @" kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ P6 F! |! [4 o( D. K3 sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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* I  ]! O4 ~7 \# MIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 ]. G# ^2 I6 C( F' @With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" }* N$ Y" S! S* J1 jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 P6 x4 N0 S. u0 D' y7 RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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# n) z8 n2 g$ q" t$ J# L, @6 XPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵