Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
7 {! y3 m" u3 \; R. y& h7 l, F# W
( |; N9 d) V& O- X" l. ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- P7 Q) Y+ p4 zVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

/ n; H8 F# b( P  D# d: aP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
, w% k: \+ i0 P# a7 j+ V
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
1 j: C$ e: ^3 ?! o. }+ |
. w) c' z6 K. a# C7 A5 QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
/ |* j* w" v6 c* I
( |  E) b7 [! H) z/ ^. ?. RSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
! r% y' z  z9 v" f$ h( m
6 Q. h7 ]( F$ T7 D  nSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
$ E, O. u* X8 v* {
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
8 T! D- h. x' y5 [+ R3 K  A
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

5 @4 k6 n' N7 M  OYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
* j) l/ F. @- w/ ~+ [
/ f: [* u* J/ D  @7 S4 ^* cWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
8 K* l/ Z6 A3 X/ @2 P& c+ v3 \
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
/ a" @! K4 a$ ?9 r5 vIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( M8 f+ M& g8 l* TWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 E# u0 Y6 W9 |3 MWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

* }- P& e$ D* ?! R) \`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
5 Q4 |* l3 D$ ]* f( e% |  p. V) B
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
. l$ {! o; X1 X4 v5 Y) a% D% j+ x
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
6 m0 R* Y) L) Q7 G5 Y: a+ r/ [! UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
3 m) x* ~. H- W1 q! _8 O     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵