Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 Z5 B- Y2 @" _0 L. `: I4 KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
9 Q  x0 B) l4 B. D5 u$ X) FCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' M! H3 o+ Q1 \. |BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

, I: ?$ Q6 C; d' b8 c; Y# cP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

3 ~7 N. M. O- n  h9 {' iSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 m8 {/ `6 j. R) }4 V- v( S4 ~0 YSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 m6 L4 {( p0 y/ W. ~) y' QCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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- O. r. A, ?' y0 Z( K% cWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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2 t3 @8 Z# _5 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ X& h7 D) P- w3 sBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, j& D" F# b" [( K4 i; `5 eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 Z& X8 H5 w& v1 t" _4 @4 _                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵