Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; b9 S' ?. q2 r+ H" U% S3 C% pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

- R. F. f" @3 p+ ]5 {# i2 sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

( U0 \9 g* k) @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 X- D" \* y/ VP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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2 _. O" P0 k* h$ ~: jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

) z7 _- A  N/ e( C+ DSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

) b* F" H! I8 o& g" @: ]CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) v$ z) |9 h3 y6 b# \7 n' b5 ^" W! x" W5 O6 pYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" u) r! h2 n( O+ ^: PWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

" R/ L6 |$ o  L0 k, {) o) C  mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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) n3 v1 n+ p$ Y, B, D& J! uIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: v. b4 h* U  kWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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% G* ]& X$ `  E; F1 \What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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# v! [% @7 \/ i( X+ @                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) G# H4 }2 _( M                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵