Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; @. [2 u6 V  S! G/ p$ XCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 E7 v1 n* J. s( ?+ M+ j0 ?BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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+ _/ N8 c1 q: a1 C  M' BSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

3 U8 \; i, ^% t  N5 ISTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

/ Y0 l. @7 n* r( O6 e4 GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

- e  w- G0 I( c) N' w) V" HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

* X7 G8 R! C% t% ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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1 t) ^4 C  }7 q# K. s/ I; N1 iIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' [9 N# c: N( a- R) H: d0 H: WBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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7 L8 U5 r5 `2 Y8 tWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵