weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
# B: e/ g% J# e1 K3 e: zflock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
5 F  x* H' Z, o( U, |6 E( S& e: j
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
- D8 d; ]# ?5 c1 h# PGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
2 {  X% e; D. R1 H. b- Jand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
4 s" b. |+ L. A# ma 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
# O6 T1 }6 ?: T# W9 D- w
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

& e+ E. i- M5 y8 ~" s% j. i6 \He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.

+ ]! N* n* T* ~  jThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
$ c& j) L1 y7 J4 N8 [  n' `9 Jis, will you give me back my animal?"

, ?  |! Q5 p2 @# @& a/ I0 w"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

+ A. [1 u5 d! k"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
& o3 b1 _& {2 y3 G  Qme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
! s. L4 D0 ^6 rundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
2 X' W' s! G3 \, R/ hinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
- B. C; G# b5 h, _. Z) qher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
% V" }' [* l, @. copen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
3 Q% Z$ ]3 ~$ p; B; H- tresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
. u$ A9 ^1 l% G/ R  \2 X& B6 _* }bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

! c; M' R: ~% O3 t7 O& n  R2 I5 |+ OThe first man married a nurse.

$ @: w, |- }1 p1 ?" hDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
% Z! }8 A4 p; W. Q' R* DNurses are known to be hot to trot".
1 l$ g, _  c" O$ ~& k- D
( `( `; }" \9 V) b+ \% gThe second man married a telephone operator.
9 x* l! [; z  H: i/ t% N3 W& k
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?

- Q% n9 ~5 g8 {The third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
0 |# J& V8 x" J7 T" F" L! yonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
9 a$ o/ R" r5 S, d8 g' ewould call much later in the day.
4 f4 ^5 i  g( j
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
: I2 j# s3 D4 r: p$ Fnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
' o- ?8 o8 ]' y0 Bpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
& K8 ^- i9 o8 K9 Q2 D- v
( n; z9 w2 M6 {( f! hDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

% X& b, t( i# p# T) G7 rThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

( u( s! ?% r" r" N: W: mAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
6 L! I- X* m  v0 L0 w& j0 Las possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

! K5 q% ]: H# Y  fThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
9 U1 h1 {7 C/ R3 `5 hheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
7 j0 V1 Q% E! o0 X! fthree minutes are up."
% z; i1 X" F- @7 A6 F, x) c
: y7 z9 q6 Q. i  M  C, YDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
+ c4 P+ q( j1 n# X7 l7 ?
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
, [4 l7 z5 h8 a/ i* ?8 Clegs.
" ?: j: B1 c$ O4 X, _9 e
5 Q0 x) z( B2 T8 J8 N: D* v* l4 EJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
1 ~6 K" B9 w  d# |) ?, S
! X$ f' L7 y) D6 M$ b- a2 |The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing