办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
0 w$ v% x8 P" N1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
5 d9 o8 \) |( ]3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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2 ?3 S0 v. P: cBereavement Leave:
8 D. _3 }+ f9 l0 }# S1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
* L% G" P2 b2 O0 r" @3 S( w8 Z3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
% N8 N" S: [/ U8 F- H4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
4 k- z  B; ~# w5 ]3 B1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
- v9 ?% `. m' p, M% L% Q% |2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
7 J3 R+ q# c5 a3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
1 N" J. D" e" A. ?4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
6 i0 q8 L* ?5 F$ G1 [- i' K! C$ |( X& ^1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
& r; A& E! m: U  Y5 l) R3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

. e1 F6 L. S6 KThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

! c0 o" u1 V" K  DThe Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.