办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
+ {  Z5 }# T8 u+ B$ r* J6 w2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

1 {) I& _- k1 aPersonal Days:
- @  Y$ Q& c+ C6 N/ v# d% L9 DEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
$ _4 z+ c. `4 a7 \% i( P* T4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
( L- W4 ?* }  ^+ y1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
' @" |8 L/ a5 k, K2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
4 |& \* b8 B( U3 S: X, c6 E3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
# a% f/ X, ]! d% D" ]' W, H  ]4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
8 o1 I& H+ {6 }4 h4 d1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  m5 U3 j; F5 }# Q% \2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
0 K4 e7 [! L; \( ?) ^* O3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

& u' u3 a; z  L9 j/ u) \6 LThe Management

9 o5 ~6 s% I1 P& vPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.