Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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/ ?( l! S( v# c7 n0 F: G+ m> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
9 D' J( w6 o, a8 V8 F> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
2 R4 z, j& N  m" n> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
5 F; L: g5 I% D3 y# J> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
2 D6 I4 ~2 v* Q9 j, O> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
) \& ?  v% J2 w0 S$ c" [. }% p>cream.
# z9 E- Z: ]$ q6 _1 H> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
% \2 f2 L' U* k; b* \" p" F' L4 C, e> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
; |+ N3 U0 J0 n& c> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
  {* H) c$ ^4 X> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
; Q& R, O! {0 V4 E2 u> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
- y) C5 l4 T' h6 y/ H4 F* N/ |: e> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
" {3 i  f  b+ [2 c6 x9 a- l> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
1 ?- m/ W7 ?1 L8 ^1 ?> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
1 s% t7 V7 I8 Q* J> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
5 {' c' w: W' u# l" V; g7 y> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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" I- u+ o/ L! L, }( X& h3 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
6 _, B) T! {, a" Z- W1 S) L# i> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
# P7 |) \" P! \$ M  G1 f> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
6 P* G6 N4 J4 ~> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
. x! }) P) [& S5 y) A5 l2 S> > > >allow
- D) h8 W$ i- ^3 ?3 d* a8 s* U> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
3 j  p! o5 V/ F  ^' a4 y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
+ B- F4 h$ X2 x( ^* z/ d( M> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ R$ h" W1 C  H3 L' i+ w, r7 j1 x% j> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
' y6 T$ `8 T+ E1 d$ H> > > >same sentence twice.
; D9 r  I8 [- M: y: v, b9 V> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. c. {( |+ _8 g> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
7 ~/ P) J5 M. H5 B" f; l> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- f! x% l& X' U& B, {> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
# o2 _5 h: h- t& a4 s> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
  u( F$ E* L6 F$ M/ E3 y3 v+ I' L* A> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business