Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
8 A5 J2 b, h: B' a, w> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
! J3 [. M, x/ J# J: ~7 Z> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
+ n* O+ |* B! H5 Y! u> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
" E( S) K/ j' ^' t" V" ?9 @9 \  V>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
0 y  J- c0 q9 z- C  f, I) k3 z> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
1 i: C+ ?( {% p' n# R9 u& a  j>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 _3 r7 ~2 s; m6 w0 C$ i. t1 V> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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2 a2 t% G6 k( |> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
- h/ Y, C/ l) F$ {2 _( G# u> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
# u6 e7 D9 T5 x& M- \> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
7 x+ H2 s, B9 J* b> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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+ J5 [( l( c7 m% k5 P7 h; H8 J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
; G! W- I% A0 L4 J9 t> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 W  `7 T+ R( ]# ?0 t> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
8 H% f  ]  W4 |3 y# j9 V* k> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
0 d$ t3 K/ ]( c/ R1 y% w5 \> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
7 o( h) g: G! ?+ c. s> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
6 C. e& l8 S8 U" v! e> > > >you to go."
2 J6 S- C* ~0 u1 j2 Z8 @> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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: D! k4 M7 O- V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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1 w) v0 P+ k9 Z3 W: o> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
- M4 y' F8 x  c7 A! |> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
5 {% U$ p! V3 ]> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) X, @9 ~2 u3 [  n> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
2 v: J0 V- L" I( J5 Y6 X. w> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
/ ~/ t$ Y) I5 a9 F' D* b5 R! }> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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% Z2 P* k- V+ B0 x3 k> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
' ?6 D3 z+ }& ~% v> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" y, d( u. Z+ G1 N! F  c% |> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
) i' x- m( q$ ]$ E, x+ u. W> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business