Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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5 _/ ~$ E) R: }7 N; C$ o% \" c> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
: ^: y1 X8 ]3 k( w>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
' b1 n. Y% V1 S+ D- e2 H> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
" _" n2 u( U, O0 H" A> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
$ r; d# ^# g7 J+ @5 B>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
& n9 c% }0 s0 R, i2 A# }> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 J4 p- s  |0 s$ y  z" z0 Q. g. H> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" k# B! m: z/ G, W6 x4 a* K8 m> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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2 e1 q" ^3 H' W' j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
( b" z6 j) D2 q3 s$ p( O; Y5 G> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' a2 a; p( @  J* _1 R> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
$ J6 s. r: \1 f> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
' Z) `8 A4 g- R7 ?. c  o3 y" I> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
, z& r* U$ A5 H' A3 z' j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
* K  m2 y# a. I! S. N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
6 _9 }) ^! P) m2 J7 y3 B  w> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
8 O& x- M% B5 U8 Z6 i> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
, I& }1 v* O( o" I* U) {> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 S" ^8 x2 m* V. m1 P% h> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
% C. f. k2 ?4 c0 B> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
. R3 J, I' B. n: }$ @) i$ z: v$ y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
, |& b$ u& Y, N> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
4 a% ^' C" ]) O( @- x& Y0 {> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
* h1 U0 a* {) D. d+ f% k> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
: I5 \. T$ e* U% c> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; U/ L# ^1 o0 U& C) B" \> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
6 l7 x- ]4 I3 G+ r" j> > > >allow
  f9 _. m) m  R+ e- s8 r( I> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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" j5 E& d" d8 T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
; a6 C9 s6 a" r, y* Z' D> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
7 }/ _4 r6 h/ G> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
; o* z/ @" N/ U/ a> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
" W. @% d  Y8 `" h" N) c/ a> > > >beautifully."
+ \, e( Z' b% a% f% W. i- Q> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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& U; \" u! [( D2 W> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
7 K6 D/ o* `* @1 @> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
$ K( k% b* t" Y: J> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
$ A. S) Y. [" H! I- V> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business