Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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! t( f5 n% Y& r4 ?# d> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
8 T% Z' T2 d2 Z9 g% z0 s/ t: _> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
% A& v* g' f, X> > > >little TONY.
; l6 x) w4 P0 M' v, G  p  g, [7 d. X> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
8 `& m1 ~. I2 H2 W( G, U# x2 w> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
/ G9 y$ A5 V8 q  D3 d/ I; G  i" @; W5 o>thinking."
( C2 f& L7 y! X) C3 {> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
# a$ ?* i% R* f" ~6 q0 z* {5 r> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# b4 c% R  a8 j> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
6 G2 {: R6 q5 Q1 ]% G>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
& r; I  z+ S' ^" u> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
, D, E- j1 s: D5 \> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 g: S& \4 Z0 x* ]6 s: O* x' _% q> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
4 B$ \2 e5 }0 \* v8 H" N0 B" @> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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3 B5 z! a3 I% w; r. e1 J7 P  m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
/ v" t" ]6 k( U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
5 s8 T' `1 n) [& G& T! O/ {( A> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
$ S" G- r: A* G2 Z! h& {$ }> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
! s3 M$ J" B- o: I# V5 P0 @> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
( i/ D4 O' k4 A1 [: T> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& r( |. ^# p4 U0 n> > > >"That's what I said!"
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4 {1 S' Z1 {/ R6 [% S5 W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
. b& A2 j; f& D  @6 P: L) U- @7 a> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
% }, T3 r& y' s( J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
" f; Z, F' i/ Q" [; P8 @> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
9 r1 `; c. x! w4 }* g* J> > > >piss!!"
1 c, d7 c5 Z, M* L3 w# z> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
9 d' [8 Q' w7 \2 k& i! H5 o> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
  v; |0 c' I0 v8 r+ P# D> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
: @, [, F, N* |" |- k! m0 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 o! g2 r+ r& X> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 T* c! a3 @$ y2 g' U1 m> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 _3 K* O4 v! Y/ A> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
+ ]: }- W! X/ d/ c> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 H. K3 |& t  }' ]> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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3 l- |: C2 {! r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
+ e# o9 ?( U9 N+ n  C0 X/ x> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
, |' `2 j1 D% I. ]* n& P> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
* E0 z5 |  d, N2 w+ V> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
! o* n4 y/ ]5 B; _> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business