Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
5 U( V: X! a$ }1 J& H> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
+ m/ ]3 V$ m% K8 f5 S# R( Y# i> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
4 w/ K1 ~+ Q- v% I8 }  J" P> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% g! p. _4 g- \0 g> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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& K. g0 U  G7 u2 i2 I7 o0 W> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
7 W" s- ^1 T0 X7 a$ X> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
4 w+ u, V3 |: r> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 L% a- `: }: x2 W4 X0 H; Z$ i> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 `4 s6 r" n( K3 N3 v/ m/ q> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
* Z/ S& z6 _/ M2 r) {> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
; I0 s% a2 S$ E, f> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
; O" l% }6 |3 m/ P> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
* c5 s- ~) Y* L! ?: J' ?> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
- l& _4 O; x& h* d> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
+ q0 ^: J3 P$ N> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 w+ r8 _8 I5 C9 v> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
3 Y5 \0 ~, r8 l) r  B> > > >you to go."
) g0 X" ^3 ]' |> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, d$ O9 x$ a4 A> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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7 F" l" o& }/ }' {/ k6 `% h/ N- j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
  p  H/ k, [7 |8 r. q> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- x9 S) n4 n: a; ~; u> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: k1 h4 g0 R3 I> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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- G. W! v1 E. n0 N1 Q7 p> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
: e' D% @6 B+ }+ P" ?5 b2 }> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
4 I8 |+ d0 Y% z8 m0 m. a% Z> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business