Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
  G; t6 e! \" D( z0 S) c! {> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
% z- z  Y5 S6 d* A0 R  E> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
  c1 [" v$ P+ h9 A  O- y> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
  Z* s! p6 k% k+ [" n& n4 e9 ^> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ I! {8 c- c# p; n1 R. O> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! v, y5 n" `+ J1 }: P7 ?> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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7 ]8 F* q+ m0 C) j* T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
- ?4 ~7 d& Q$ X  ~) U! E> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
0 S. E9 {3 q' X1 r> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
. @$ J/ r2 M. e4 @# A> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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8 i/ e3 x) ?9 u: t7 ]' Y/ t- O  a> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
, E; }  ?/ }4 Z0 S> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
# k0 {6 r- X  M0 Y. B> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
/ j: c7 ~% N- K. C; k. Y8 v' K: G6 @- q> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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( P& ^8 ?3 I6 u' `5 w: c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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9 u' T$ b+ p% z+ W. N> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
. w: i9 k" }9 r9 S! I- j> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
- D6 `2 m! U$ ^; J% P> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
: ~) R6 j) I7 {/ e% ^7 C> > > >allow
8 A) m8 d* @3 S" r, O> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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4 u; R0 K4 G( x# k. U> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
5 q$ ]4 R3 S3 A7 i> > > >same sentence twice.
; w& l3 A0 [6 {8 q" ^: Q( E( w+ |" D> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
6 `0 r- [  [$ ~- i7 @0 J> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
9 ]/ m; ^5 V# ~! m> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
+ w! J$ \2 r! |* d1 N& A> > > >beautifully."
0 D$ H( P9 ?3 j% w0 x> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
" W1 B) P. Q0 X7 D> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
7 w! w/ X+ P0 ?; B( B# K> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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$ n5 O5 x# v* a; F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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) O2 R9 f8 `0 H  w> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
' U( Y8 e' x/ N- J* d0 M> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
# O' J2 ?, s9 c3 L- P* H; |) ^/ O> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( h( {3 K2 w: A. ~& F& n> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business