请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* n3 |" K" ~! T& b4 ~However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& x/ @% a# f% Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# o: t* q- ~& ]1 Z- S4 L- M              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 e) q) d, B7 V) c% S              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; F4 v! z$ V/ t$ B0 U: ?However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* Y+ ]5 t6 Q, n$ u. n4 }             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' [% [; o) n6 E             somehow I lost myself inside again
' I! o+ B8 I: x) ~4 J& d$ p2 QNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ m8 A% I, ?. @             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
% @" F# Y3 N. y; \) H               I am 一个人de精彩
  v. K/ c8 _: [" j* j0 J               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 I9 R- B5 w, Q# a% ^0 B, w卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 z9 t* g4 v" H& g; ?5 dSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, i6 a8 Y, q4 N1 r5 _Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, G& k/ ~2 g/ ?/ Z$ [9 ESomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 v, w# g  C+ a) V# m& W+ o( c
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# G# p5 L) F7 W; U) @0 N8 tSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 J. S7 `, o5 Y+ ]% k& sSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) G  t& }9 `* B* x& {- E' \8 D: eSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 Q7 L+ T" Z6 B9 q; v7 b1 ?
  i# O$ R1 C  w+ H' FSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# V; Y& X+ e) |$ q* w( @1 w7 oSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
& L. e9 D7 m) x: w8 LSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% e) x  [. J$ r+ |0 `7 I! t' j=====================================================================
1 ?6 f; m) i0 I, R: B; @" fsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？