请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
( d- H( O. Z  ]' t. V8 |: FBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
: y: K' c" e# ]7 s6 p9 J6 q8 n, qThanks a lot!!!



2 C3 V& Q% E4 n5 h% V  @/ w+ M; z
8 Y7 q$ t* H, n# V8 d6 n$ w# v7 V8 Z


( C* f9 s& v4 y: U" T* PFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
: w! h+ |* K2 d1 D# r              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( l; e6 {0 @! R  z" n8 J              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" J. F  D' f/ O# X% U' V; f: D              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 A, @5 x' c& z- x% X/ J$ _; V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 q8 N: h$ l0 ?+ q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. ^  S" O  r3 m# N- T% T  ZNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 C, M8 Q4 I& `             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- S) g0 v8 z$ L+ u5 f) z5 |Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 ~; d/ e3 c+ ]) E: M% V               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
. l( i' L$ S. \' j# L8 o4 vIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
, d. h* N1 y1 ?
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
+ V( J1 {$ S) h( |1 U3 j) ?

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! e; L/ T( Z; VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

$ u$ K: P5 x% Z  h- \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) L; `& d- D( |4 W! Q3 a7 Z( fSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 Y( w+ f( W5 D; ?' W1 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ q) {4 `7 r$ N: R; r- ISomehow I lost myself inside it again

- @* d! |" Z: b/ k  J& Z$ B( _Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. M1 ^8 I1 I' v9 D- V/ TSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
7 N! I& G0 t* q9 H& G& i5 X" M8 fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
, F9 h3 b: n# I# _; }
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
* F: e% U  M' l) R我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？