请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& Y: L. u+ Q& u2 XHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
5 `# a% v& @. T3 T- w% F$ XThanks a lot!!!
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# {+ Z) B5 `9 }7 JFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! b0 ~& J$ [) |. ]2 G4 i              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ R9 ~" N1 x1 h$ F; C              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, M9 m' v6 b, a/ b  i1 c              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
1 p- O9 v( _( h$ ]2 v- M& z4 x: z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
* T- X& `9 X6 f             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 u5 d# Y3 O  b6 {  ~% q               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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$ l5 h+ ^1 X7 B/ }8 `* N" k+ y9 v卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! m) A' U& ~( F- B, r' w3 ?Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
% {2 c) m! v0 R, b( sSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
4 d9 n1 L, w- y* l7 i" KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( |! Y" |' r; `( \8 w5 r$ ZSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
; x3 l9 [8 O! Z) p3 ]Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

1 T" @6 A3 I2 |5 W2 e% w; H% s+ j( ZSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! e; j4 r8 Y' Q/ X2 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 @: B& @! m4 H: y% p# V- ISomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 P& ~. l" U( F) f0 j2 L6 `# F6 C0 o7 C
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ ?) a8 _& @/ a7 u: c6 PSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
) t/ o+ u; G5 U2 Q  {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

; r. [4 A, H; ^, Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
; M( _6 w' r! w' q  S7 _' ^somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
, v, K8 R1 y3 H+ J( `8 e7 f8 |我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？