Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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1 F0 s4 T- u; N4 }* NThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

" @% C2 O: h# M5 K8 l4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

: T) L+ ^  w' q) r8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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% S* y( ^" q0 S' M( @9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

$ a3 U9 g: x& ?2 v; x10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

) h8 k0 ?6 \! `. n, S) J13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

* \. k  _( X) A& v. ]14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

; T. e: A/ i4 O/ E/ k2 g15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.