Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
! t; ]3 Q$ Y( i, L: C# NDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
+ N- X2 W" O7 g# m2 ?" Z: q
, G- s+ m% H, ]/ t+ f, j" {
+ A) H6 F- j, RJOB DESCRIPTION:
* M4 N$ ]! T( g* C3 c) JLong term, team players needed for challenging,

& q. W; }+ g. f, N8 l6 e' ipermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
; Q2 ^: \7 ^& _2 E! iCandidates must possess excellent communication
; t* o0 ?* t6 b9 J3 L" S' Iand organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
& F- U' ]& C8 C4 d, Uendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
, J8 a1 f$ R# {4 Q, P, vMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
: u9 @3 C0 o$ _0 V3 W+ O) wAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
; E7 ]9 B0 Q% }% Z1 N( ^( }the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
6 d4 e# r! E' O" s$ H& ^Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
1 c7 L7 v* X" k, i* Ysuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
, h* w4 y3 D3 H( G( ^and stuck zippers.
& y1 a2 j, \: W; bMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
$ B, X5 F' _) P9 {- YMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
5 C. l, _* U# N, {. t0 [, ]0 kthe quality of the end product.
5 K; G* U/ b* A) n& TResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
) A1 a0 P8 l' {" _
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
' Q& z* O, b- zNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
5 L# t/ h! m. V# }7 ?5 _without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
5 b4 K8 @5 d& xcan ultimately surpass you.


: b: ~  u2 s& _7 X: RPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
1 `8 K: ~7 g. YNone required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
+ s' H+ m! D# ~( gGet this! You pay them!
# O7 o( |" r7 bOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
, }* M% {7 r8 V  p, P+ qbecome financially independent.
2 Z( L& y2 H+ S( AWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
( B6 `4 b4 {) x) s, {5 jno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
1 [% g( L- l3 f* Q4 Mno stock options are offered,
$ r  M( f1 D! X: k) Zthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
2 E3 {6 ^8 y0 ~! Q7 V$ M/ J. F4 }
2 R# B& {9 F! o/ F% zfor life if you play your cards right.
$ u5 |( y* r. o. d9 Q" q
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
) M9 w$ [5 e* ~/ B% v& T- iletting them know they are appreciated
9 d- `) I% e* ]1 y+ Z! dfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.