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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: ?4 O* c3 v& n( ZCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. Y" d8 f5 T$ I, r
- @6 [' U. ?& l& Y: fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 9 A1 a1 p4 @8 J5 R7 C
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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3 I7 H6 u0 G c( d* n6 {# UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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; ` `/ S% p) N6 ]! A/ \BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ! N) l/ G% J$ K' E0 i, K; I
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.# |3 |, r4 U6 v& p+ }
! W; a1 t+ H$ }STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. . w) S6 x6 O S6 P# D( Y
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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; T3 k$ y& s, ]. s- [# j3 G4 c+ {: YMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 d0 d* C3 _4 MCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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; \* i2 Y! {3 ?3 Q: xYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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5 `& j3 Q$ C3 y0 x+ G/ W& JWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 1 X3 T0 R6 I. V$ [
; D- X) m9 p8 Y# oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 M( h% b% J$ Z8 [2 a
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.$ ^1 }4 l2 o: J. u5 y
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.( i5 X' Q7 _8 M# }( e# Z! Q
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
G6 Z2 [4 n2 z6 U+ G- ?/ bBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 i. y( ~& W7 I& N1 ^* E6 }Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.7 f4 t1 W5 k( }' Q! o1 f
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6 Y2 o" E! Q3 V9 c% m1 e+ `What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ) W! I2 T& {+ [# A1 X" V* p
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.8 ~% N: I9 _7 ^4 M- p+ n
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$ K: {) z, v# l4 ~0 o" sPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... 6 P* a- B' U3 `: Q. J' ^/ B
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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