Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! [" r6 _5 B4 @" j% O$ P; l) _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: G  u4 V& z; n9 l$ ?0 a7 ?# WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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' `/ \! X- K7 _  f) Q) MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- V% z7 v, X; a% t7 k0 TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

7 O; G, z7 x: z% s0 M4 KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

, U! [2 Q  T. }- _$ A' xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

9 G+ T* e5 G7 d3 C8 _WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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/ Q* s$ I/ d8 e, `PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" \3 }  f7 C! u2 L7 nWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 y9 [; y5 p. }; e0 t3 r5 _$ jBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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) @  H! x& \8 n- oWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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. a  m. V& l6 W. u  H) A4 @' P8 ePoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
  k  e7 X1 B6 k; R                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵