Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" N; b7 A  `7 j3 k7 sCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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: B% n$ o1 K- `) z5 mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 J: ~1 P4 x, Z/ ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

/ @3 u6 m5 ^. m* eSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 |9 r& u6 ]+ p( TSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

: j0 W9 l) W0 o3 x3 I! XCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 t; ]1 e! s3 s: @' xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! w: r8 H8 q: R$ `7 |$ J+ y8 X% ^9 AWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 j( s" A, ~& \" N$ c+ o1 }  H) HWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( m9 U) }$ E: [! lWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 S$ p* E) G" q/ v$ v/ W- a" ?0 |                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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6 x3 m: y0 x) c' UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵