Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 Y( B0 e) L" t7 x" w* }6 jCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
) ~8 e" I# p6 |) x: J# Q
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
9 d0 g7 [! `: G; _8 l1 I/ n) ?
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

) d6 I/ h2 ]1 G+ l2 X) _STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
' i2 H. J! P2 O- h- n5 X
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- L1 J* v8 |0 q6 J# {
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

( N' e8 |% e0 B- P. }4 w* _YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% m+ p& e8 A" j1 D. m' k& \* cWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
" v) R. v& ]2 C; J* n
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
, E( @7 \/ o% h
( g0 ^2 Y4 A% l! cPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

" Q2 b2 Q. B$ a) w```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* i/ ]& B3 L) L7 h- C! F/ w8 q! ^With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
1 s" g8 s  z1 o* N8 H# x
1 n0 \2 p0 S5 h0 B                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

/ b. Q; b1 d3 G6 j- b``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
" m9 B0 [! [2 J6 p2 l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵