Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
* `+ Q" o! d; t! q8 l5 d
+ D0 r# H/ X6 g& v; Y$ p( TCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- N$ T" I$ _; Y  K' w! L2 cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
& F5 e+ I8 c4 x# Q! e- f
- ?( C: k1 p. P8 @% P- lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
6 Q- x  Y( l" Z6 v
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 O- W6 w6 ^  B" O1 P9 Y" zBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

& B" X/ y- a  T9 _0 w# ~1 f+ _STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- n0 U% H4 o$ f! [& i& q' k  Z9 KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
1 h3 w. r( ?8 D' c0 H. g! ~
! |+ F4 n6 ?) B! ?4 V# P0 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 Q  Y7 Z  }6 x  pFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
; @( S. @  B5 w
- \, y% K: E7 `1 ]4 LMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
" R+ f. x1 i/ a' `4 x0 Y
% ]: J$ W* y0 Y" f5 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
7 G$ \7 u' P: g2 b5 j2 Y
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
, \0 F% ^* \0 Z* n2 g5 H; g
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
& R$ O/ ^$ y: Q- F$ {$ {
# K7 s6 p5 g) n' r6 FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

( L9 l4 g: y$ a" d3 M```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

; ^) v/ D4 s- z5 u* r  g`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
( B; G, a: c1 e
" e) u( B: ]! w* V1 p7 y5 a& F# S) sWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

! Y) ]& l/ n3 ]& d/ D                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
2 g' [- K7 c/ [, E, n
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
; a9 A3 v) m, L) k2 X& R# \2 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
9 s% q% N2 K2 E  _4 ~/ Q6 S& [     
: w/ m" z& a' O& M' f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵