Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 @, P0 H5 u5 c4 Z7 v, dCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) ~  h/ e* R0 k3 z/ dBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

2 t; T. p7 q$ ZVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

6 ]- e& c+ y6 i; C& M7 y& vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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) M2 A# E- H" \% `FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

6 A& F) K+ Y; Z& X6 N) {2 mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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. s& w, m# h2 {% n- _0 o4 y" P# l( tWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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' ~! ]. u( U3 }5 F8 ~! H) xINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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2 t& g' b" C7 J2 {PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 A5 U" x  J  _! [+ f5 XIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, m9 ^# B0 j# VWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" h2 p- z' t* R, a5 h* z1 hBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: c$ V- b9 d# v. ~' @8 D. K% OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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1 r4 |: S+ K, q# Q/ S! L" H! HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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: m/ `7 z$ q4 n5 b) q6 O                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 {6 C& A" B$ ]                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵