Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
0 l' M; S0 e4 J) ~6 b> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
4 q: ^" A8 E  A: |5 l> > > >little TONY.
8 J% x; A# G/ P- z# Y( C" g3 G> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
! D5 F+ Q3 I8 q5 T; i: F- P7 y6 {> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
- Z# U2 y- O2 J1 B; {>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
6 z) |. c; S' o' I2 [> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% h' d* I6 B$ u# J: z/ q* k> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
/ @+ ^. P: m3 W) _# c> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
8 u' K+ D. C& C' x7 g> > > >Which one is married?"
0 |5 j" `6 G6 a5 u0 A> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
. b: g% Y1 P$ V) s' x" i! k> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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+ u4 Y6 `, O8 i3 F/ l> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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, g4 b; I$ x# `: |8 l1 [  U1 l1 g> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
# A; Q( o: @* E# p9 M> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
2 W9 i7 ?7 w. `0 w  C3 d6 y> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
. F/ d6 S9 l9 N  b+ c" J> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ S) q: T' X8 D, u& h3 _> > > >"That's what I said!"
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2 n5 \6 H: K6 ]+ y  E: H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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* l, H8 ]8 n- o8 \4 y6 l> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
  F# _( ]; n2 G9 [0 {8 q0 V* t> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
) P( \6 A& n- f5 m> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
' \& Y1 d  B4 q- j+ X; e> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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2 M& ]* G5 Q/ s> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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$ ]! y, U' q8 w9 g$ w& t) P> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
1 v6 M4 K8 d" \, d' F> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
8 y" ~0 B3 L2 \> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
! u) |3 m1 O" g> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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7 Q1 q' Q% b0 i' I> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
% o1 u+ _0 e$ R# m. ^> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
7 j. X4 Z# O7 O" J. c) l, N> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
5 Y% o. @; ^. L& g6 o> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
1 v! u' B  e6 B3 b; [0 E> > > >called on little TONY.
2 k3 `! }( i1 z( J# O> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
" A; `1 @" Y. ?, }" t- g> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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# O, ^2 q4 s3 J  a/ e> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
( ~. i' a5 g& H6 X- U9 z> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
' X$ C$ ]' w* [+ y! a# x> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
) C! O0 `& f; c6 B> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business