Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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  r) x( |) M# m2 h0 p; K, U* \> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ @7 \8 Y% ?: B2 W5 @2 \> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
, b3 l+ W9 q; M; H> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
$ E* ~7 r2 v) e  b0 {4 v> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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# i2 @+ N0 I3 M4 |- y4 Y$ I> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
- n( a/ w8 g! t7 O- `>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
& x  z6 F( n1 N% N' Y, P> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
) t: ^6 O4 b# h3 V; n7 k& R0 G: f> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. e; Z8 }6 k! v, X4 f# ?  a> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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$ v- B6 }' L; `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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0 K5 t1 |1 \2 F  u' h> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
  W( e8 G) M7 e5 n" C> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
" U" q6 @& I& |7 L> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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/ K; H) S! n* Z3 `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
  f/ p# ~2 `  Q4 J' q* n> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
: f9 R3 g- o& S$ ~& v3 o, ~, o> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 }6 E+ T! L, ]/ c# g> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
6 M6 T& l2 ]1 a$ H) `: w9 l& c6 I> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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$ @/ ]6 B& H! k2 p# ]- d" v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ `- s$ k0 L. a. e- |) c> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
1 R; l/ m( N. v. ?> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 b& d: ?' L+ U* K6 K# E> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
6 H2 b7 t0 e8 D! T  X) O" \# N0 s> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, r/ n$ {3 [! L( J" c& S> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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, W3 s1 I( g$ t# \, h* x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
' L$ V& ^9 o1 \" P% j' u> > > >same sentence twice.
6 Q; j$ F* O1 S6 j! y, m4 ~/ I> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
  L& {/ c, e% g> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
: }1 X4 R2 E* U7 b, }> > > >beautifully."
5 P( V6 Q3 p; W8 W# C  I> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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6 I# p/ U* F" f4 s+ J+ ]. y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
" n& w( E* @$ B, l7 e! D> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 e6 `4 s3 Q7 Z' m( ~. M# t> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
! q0 G; I2 h8 Y+ m  N- [4 C4 u> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
$ X1 e# p$ L) n2 G/ p/ B> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business