Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
" J9 R3 M- C9 Q  t5 J4 F> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
  K7 `4 g& B& c8 m1 D$ a>thinking."
. Z! Z1 s4 {- ]2 J0 b( N7 s7 B> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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9 l. J2 W* L, p4 F# D7 }  {; h, S> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
. T+ ]/ w  ~! v9 N" Y# K7 K+ s>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
; }3 [  Y- n7 w& A> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
6 X% k+ Q& z/ X* G+ Q: B) f* H> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" H! S$ b+ Y! [7 {/ Q" L0 K) T> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
* s+ q  A, x9 a, q( p3 x! M> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
) J* z% w3 f. d> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
* ^% _/ e& K- \  O/ d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
+ ]0 L3 G9 Z* ^& G> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; Q, I/ }- A9 s. P: L- f) j0 }% a> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# I! v$ G. T' b; k> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
: l8 T* s9 K; [( U$ q. N# g$ p> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
$ p0 r/ Z, J  F  s0 v6 A> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
0 q% k( y& ^9 C9 T% \* a: l> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
0 \! D" b, j9 C! f> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 l+ U4 k' J0 |> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
( ~" E. m% w5 ^; ^0 P! @/ o' M> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
, }5 m9 _2 d0 {* ?: ~> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
: Y! v& x% e$ D% M- g7 b( r& H> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
+ q- G4 v% N& h$ [" P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
3 ~, V" }" C7 e2 c> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
1 R4 _( ?! r' x> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
* \8 e5 Q" y& x2 G> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business