Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
+ d! u- _9 v$ a# M) M> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
. U: q; k: V  u" h. J' z> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
3 f! d" j: I# H1 Q7 Z>
, _/ s2 s8 V& ?7 E> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
$ ~9 P" k0 T4 B- t  ]9 c8 Z2 s> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
: ]" [$ r" X* E+ S, q; p# J( j/ @> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
+ X/ X" r! l& v5 R# S> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
" Q) N& {4 v' T, M  k> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
0 x$ C# c1 j. ^> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
( q+ F7 v* j) p( m1 h1 W* p+ Y  B> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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8 \/ L/ y1 {, F5 N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
% Y' N" a) n2 U: w* `0 B' t# ]> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
. u; p, K7 y! O9 d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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8 T# ]4 q8 S/ t> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
% P; R  a& d9 R% w0 Z7 X8 u> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
6 }  O7 y( r# A8 ]2 `7 I7 Y: }, F( O% X- _> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% `7 O9 X3 r) z! c2 V> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
! J; s$ e" l9 `  X, C- [) K7 ^> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
: {0 E( ^4 m! H+ [> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
  }5 g- Z5 }( Q" N! D  c- @" ]> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
# A0 B+ @' ~& F> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
* ^: ?( c2 n- v% k8 N* c> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
* t7 m1 }' D% P+ O8 F$ l9 l! O> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
. G; T( T; W6 ?9 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
* i/ h" o; Y  _6 p8 p> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
7 Q0 R# N  A  I0 V  X% o, h' {& }> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" Z9 B8 ~) a. c$ ^2 z/ p/ Z> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
9 t/ y8 v, i) N4 _" N" m> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
/ \" b' |9 j0 Y- Y0 F; w0 o1 \> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business