Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 K* i/ `+ `) O7 y. Y4 ~> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
% U& I: S. T. \: d' K) Q' b> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
  |+ j9 u$ ^3 V) }" M+ i8 C> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
7 ?+ E- h3 g1 ?8 u0 g- B> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
/ r$ X8 z2 ~9 X" s9 Q& J! i> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
+ E% N) J8 @9 S. {) s> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
* i5 N* w9 Z1 P( z( T/ A0 `) {> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
. ~: ?  V% E1 e( ]9 j" _! U>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
) s2 q0 y' |# J/ D; M+ U- K. {> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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! k' g# w# J0 ?4 W; _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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: a' x$ M! X8 J4 }* `$ `4 I) d> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" B5 Y: b5 p/ j7 N. f2 }( a> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
: }* H7 @1 P$ ~  L' p2 N4 b6 T> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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- q# h& Q- e+ T+ `; C> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
7 Y8 l$ x- _& T% Q, B( t> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
2 l1 ]  B( y3 R> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
* k. S$ G% v; R> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
1 O% [; d, r& A0 m1 Y) l> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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2 o7 y. p  `4 Z: k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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, x* D& `  l  }+ K, O> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
' X" l# k1 e* C> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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8 {  m4 K9 y8 c9 ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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1 N4 ^6 [. v, f4 {. t+ C/ O, G> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
7 T+ I8 v! O9 y> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
* m. [! m" [4 h5 V/ I! P> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
. E9 x$ i. t& u. a> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
7 Q8 l0 E! l; f: J3 p0 i8 n3 Q> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: V2 [2 n" I5 N% S# ]3 \> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
- a& O% P2 `4 _# {> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
; J  o% L' U+ j. Z2 b. G> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) y0 Z3 h# p8 b9 s> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
: y' q' ]5 M9 ], n4 u/ O/ l> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
) J' f! `. x2 a7 C, |0 t6 \> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business