请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
3 Y6 l( M8 U9 l- h7 ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



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5 w+ z& D; Y* IFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ P7 Z, I6 n; e; Q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 D! _3 E- H7 T              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
4 w6 P! a) ?3 K, C, E( E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 ?( ]+ J' i+ E& K$ W4 ~             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 j$ t3 Z- Z% x# P& T8 V4 v( ]3 W             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
) i' y" h0 b4 U' s: JNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  ?8 m5 C  T: t( C" ?Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
: ]& a+ P' h: w. ^( FBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ u8 ]0 z/ s5 U1 m( r9 |" _6 w" J               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
0 b4 t: r2 R, B0 T, W( jIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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6 W3 @, E" t1 W( f0 U卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( [6 `4 j( T& o% ySomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ g9 O+ L+ r. n% `* W2 R6 l# cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 B, G: G2 K3 _8 p1 P, J& L* hSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ r. [5 @- ]6 S$ C) ?1 Y3 TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 E, r6 s" Z/ x% m9 xSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" _; G, {5 q4 r  i! \! m+ hSomehow I lost myself inside it again
) E! I0 ~+ O8 A9 u
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
6 E; }9 e& h, L; x# L8 d! USomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
2 l: T1 a0 x' Y- J. {9 jHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 A5 S- p0 w3 W9 R" l=====================================================================
6 [( ?) r% w2 ~& U$ F) \, P( Vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

: D. d) R- }; N% n, F哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？