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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and6 V" H! ]3 L- `0 I8 ^
hospital.
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" c. [$ t0 L1 w8 z1 ]7 h0 X 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
) Q( `: k4 ]4 O+ Z2 P* z& ocapital of Canada .
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; r5 r p, z! i0 T; y 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada ., ^) a% ^( ]% ~8 p- x' N) O
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
) C( d6 }/ Z* zcapital of Canada .0 h, |, l/ {3 t% ?" K
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
/ u. J/ j- v& i( C; R% e9 }$8.00/hour.8 i% \1 ^, x& m2 R
! ]5 f1 h/ b- d3 d' @1 s 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.# A" D! u9 c: m) Y8 I2 F/ h
- T9 U ]$ A4 c6 t4 r7 Y# n; [" I7 c+ ?1 S 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
" K( d" {$ O2 M( ~; W8 a) con a 15 year holiday ?7 h2 b! [' B1 u2 W" v; [; Q8 D
9 `% ^6 u+ e* ?7 c/ F9 H2 ^: A: L1 k! E 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas1 }" K6 E5 |3 Q7 v& b
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)1 }* a. L+ N$ C. @2 w
& d$ x8 N3 c0 }' y9 Q# d: `10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come( g* x% M3 F9 }
here sick.
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8 H2 |2 P5 _( k. j* `& G11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 121 e. [; p% G9 n) ]# a. ~
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.5 G! ^3 d. r$ l) Z7 m8 b+ m" V
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :$ g. z7 k- M8 ]) t: z _5 l2 _
3 {; X0 S) Y% n+ \1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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7 @, D) e* M8 u0 n% T2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour& n* }! U: @3 F7 S" ?# F& S
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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) T' J* J3 U3 p5 P6 ~$ h5 X3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its# J7 ^; i- c- Q0 T) r0 z
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest. A% S% p4 J# [2 @8 L: s4 o& {
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
5 N! D' H2 ~# C# Q/ Dgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell4 T) R3 d" ?$ |3 _" z- w
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.8 D% K- @0 j1 \% p
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
( t: j2 F1 f: u# {9 Scussed out, and possibly shot.4 I/ v; J: ]2 ]% h4 l. t
; i! O# x9 i5 M9 l1 C. y2 O* |, K; ]4 f5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that/ {( f( @9 [; I; Z. y: i
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
0 C8 q+ @3 I7 ?0 N4 {9 n& l9 Ybarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next- b7 X x5 Y' K# x
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
- s8 y% x4 n q: e6 }more construction starts everyday.: R% P. i, ^: e- ]
$ ^( u5 [( h, B( X 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,0 {/ O: t& E. q
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
3 w* c2 Y4 k% t' dsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all4 U/ b" B4 w4 F5 p1 i
the same road.
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k- x8 W8 B$ M: ^% b: E8 s; N9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
. s1 B& U+ u. x" h% z/ vshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally+ U7 h7 M4 g2 d9 E9 V3 M
activated."7 M8 T9 |* Y* y$ f; h
! W1 p% B; @* S- q8 W2 a" x10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km+ O7 H- }7 v! i+ ?8 M% j! `
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
# ` m' y1 J* i" naccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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! b. b; f" I- h4 [2 y0 {- _+ |11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur8 h% |) `) [# u. a9 v% L# ?& b
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
0 s6 t0 |1 b# H3 Y2 hblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
@: j! r- s7 d$ q1 }( Pvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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